@maanonsen I love you babe .xoxo
Leave Harry alone, don't touch him!
You ugly bitch! Harry will never love you!
GTFO hes mine!
omg shes not even pretty like what, harry baaaby dont bother with her.
go back to rehab you stupid cünt...harrys mine
You should kill yourself, Lucy...he doesn't even care about you!
Hope you die a violent death, bitch :)
I scrolled through my twitter feed as Harry snored gently beside me. I laughed occasionally when I'd see some of the tweets, a few fans looking like absolute idiots. Grammatical errors, misspellings...all very juvenile, really. But of course, I'd see the occasional comment about my Bulimia, which stung.
You're probably going to die from throwing up and I hope you do...Harry deserves better than your slutty, diseased self! .x
It's hard. I mean, one can only ignore it for so long right? I tried. I really have tried and I've done a good job of hiding them all from him. Hiding the hurt. I don't want him to be upset. I don't want him to get angry, especially since he's been so happy lately. I swallowed the lump in my throat and I turned my phone off, cuddling deeper into his side. I thought about everything while he slept. I thought about rehab. I thought about how shitty it would be to go back. I thought about the six times that I threw up in St. Maarten. The six times that I felt like a cow after a simple snack or meal here and there. I thought about how I hated looking in the mirror. I thought about how insane it seemed for someone of Harry's stature...someone as kind and good and handsome as him to see something in me. Someone as screwed up and ridiculous as myself. As Lucy Robinson. I wondered how long his heart would outsmart his brain. I wondered when the day would come where he'd realize he could do much, much better. The inevitable day where he'd fall out of love with me, and he'd leave. Leave me in the wake of hurt and heartbreak and confusion. Sadness and pain. I wasn't sure I'd be able to handle it. I wasn't sure I'd be able to breath, let alone survive. I felt tears hit my eyes and I quickly got out of bed, silently thanking him for being such a heavy sleeper. I hurried out to the kitchen in his large sweater and my baggy grey sweatpants but I groaned when I saw Kendall sitting at the table, a mug sitting in front of her. I opened the cupboard and pulled out my rainbow mug that Cara had gotten me last year for Pride Day. "I made coffee." I turned around and she wasn't looking at me, but I knew that was aimed at me.
"Did you poison it?" She scoffed and sat back in the cushioned chair.
"Great." I poured myself a cupful and then grabbed the soy milk from the fridge. I wasn't sure why, but I sat down, joining her at the table.
"So. You guys sounded like you were having a blast last night. A real fun time."
"Yep." I mimicked her earlier answer about the poison in the coffee.
"Was he sleeping with you while he was still with me?" Her question caught me off guard but I regained my cool, though my defensiveness was lessening.
"No...despite your hatred for me, I wouldn't-I'm not that kind of person." She nodded. "I mean that. We didn't do anything. Yeah, we hung out. But that's it."
"You look like you've been crying." Again, I was caught off guard.
"What...no. I haven't been."
YOU ARE READING
mantra || h.sFanfiction
Lucy Robinson - twenty year old model - struggles to become reacquainted with the real world after spending four bloody months in a rehab center due to an eating disorder. Harry Styles - twenty year old pop star - shagged her once and despite everyo...