January 7

22 1 0

Waking up this morning was different. I spent all of last night texting this guy. He told me about how he has been clean from cutting for 2 month's. I honestly felt so close to him. We just shared secrets,it felt amazing. I have close friends of course but I don't always share. Last night he actually poured his heart out to me. The worst part is now I can't stop thinking about him. I've liked him for awhile. But with my depression dating someone with depression would be depressing. And one more thing is my lovely boyfriend. We have been together about a month. He went to bed at 9 so I ended up texting Jake "the guy" until 12. Is it weird I would kiss his scars if he ever showed me them. This morning when I woke up he was my first thought. I kinda arrived late to school. So when I was standing with my boyfriend,let's call him Peter. Jake came up to me with a friend. I don't even want to hold hands with Peter it felt wrong. I could see the pain in both of their eyes. I honestly felt trapped. But when I had to go to class I was a good girl and kissed Peter goodbye and went on my way. When I finally got to my class with Jake I was secretly excited. He just gets me. He was talking to this girl,she was telling him her drug stories. Barf,I used to be friends with her but she just became too much of a mess. I couldn't help though but feel so jealous,I didn't even want to look at him. I feel like he could tell because he would ask me pointless questions. In return I gave him a bland answer. But that didn't stop us from walking to lunch together. And texting all in my last block. I literally feel nothing towards my boyfriend,but I can't leave him. Because on top of all this I'm bisexual so my love life is a mess. And I can't help but really enjoy having someone to kiss whenever I want. So may be I sound like a slut or whatever,but on the inside it feels awful. I don't recommend it to anyone but for some reason I can't stop. At the end of the day Peter kissed me a bunch of times I seriously love his kisses. Until Jake came up to us and gave him a hug. I was honestly dying in side. I felt so bad,but being a horny teenager I kissed Peter a few more times. Then got into my sister's car and drove, I'm stuck with replaying everything in my head....hopefully tomorrow is easier and I can clear my thoughts a little bit.

my diaryRead this story for FREE!