I count three what I consider to be "Moffats" in this two parter. The first one is in there, and the other two are in "The Parting of the Ways." Hope you like the twists I've got!

Oh, and sorry it took me so long to finish this up. I just love the 9s so much. :)

Also, PLEASE READ the A/N at the end. Please. :)

***

The Doctor fell out of a dark room and onto the floor and groaned. "Oh, my God!" a woman's voice yelped, and a blonde girl ran to help him up. "I don't believe it! Why'd they put you in there? They never said you were coming?"

"What happened?" the Doctor asked groggily, looking around as he tried to stand. "I was - "

"Careful now," the girl warned, helping him keep his balance when he nearly fell. "Oh! Oh, mind yourself! Oh, that's the transmat. It scrambles your head. I was sick for days. All right? So, what's your name then, sweetheart?"

"The Doctor, I think," he answered, shaking his head slightly before cringing. Oh, he wasn't going to do that for a while. "I was . . . er . . . I don't know. What happened? How - ?"

"You got chosen," she answered with a grin.

"Chosen for what?"

"You're a housemate! You're in the House! Isn't that brilliant?!"

"That's not fair," a young man by the couch said bitterly. "We've got eviction in five minutes! I've been here for all nine weeks, I've followed the rules, I haven't had a single warning, and then he comes swanning in!"

"If they keep changing the rules, I'm going to protest, I am," the dark-skinned woman with him added. "You watch me. I'm going to paint the walls!"

The Doctor blinked, looking around, before a voice came over the intercom. "Would the Doctor please come to the Diary Room?" He turned when a door with a stylized eye slid open, and he shuffled through before eyeing the comfy red chair. He sat down, then the voice came again. "You are live on channel forty-four thousand. Please do not swear."

The Doctor's eyebrows shot up. "You have got to be kidding!"

***

The Alchemist groaned as she shook her head slowly, trying to sit up. She blinked when she nearly hit the underside of the TARDIS console. She frowned. "Doctor?" she called, crawling out on hands and knees. "Rose? Jack? What - " She paused, seeing no one around. " . . . happened?"

There was no one in the TARDIS at all!

Frowning, she grabbed her sonic blaster and headed for the door to the TARDIS. She stepped out, and nearly ran into a door with a stylized eye on it. She frowned and made to open it when she heard voices from outside.

The Alchemist leaned against the door, narrowing her eyes.

Where were they?

***

Rose grimaced when she woke on a cold floor. "What happened?" she asked weakly.

"It's all right," the dark-skinned man hovering over her answered. "It's the transmat. Does your head in. Get a bit of amnesia. What's your name?"

"Rose," she answered. "But where's the Doctor?"

"Just remember, do what the android says," he told her. "Don't provoke it. The android's word is law."

"What do you mean, android?" Rose asked, confused. "Like a robot?"

"Positions, everyone!" a woman called out to them. "Thank you!"

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