Really?

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"Really?" I say to her as we drive down the rain soaked highway. "A car? For me?" She nods excitedly. I sigh. "Are you sure? You're still just renting yours! I don't know..." She sighs, her smile tugging down a bit.

"I want you to be happy here," she says. "And besides! You can pay me back by bringing the twins to school this year! And I really want to do this for you! Think of it as an early birthday present! Please?" I sigh and mumble an 'okay,' as we enter the car dealership. An old man, in his late fifties, walks up confidently. His white hair glistening in the florescent lights as his fat short body makes its way over. He has twinkling blue eyes and a thick mustache. But he's so tiny! He's at least an inch shorter than my 5'3.

"How can I help you folks this fine day?" he asks. My mom smiles and gestures to me.

"She wants a car," she says, excited. I swear she gets excited over the smallest things. 'Found a penny!' 'Got a haircut!' 'On SALE!' I swear...

"I can defiantly help you there, mine names Bob Richmond. Follow me." I smile slightly and follow my mother and Bob outside, I noticed the rain ceased, for now, as we walked over to the cars up for sale. They're all "slightly used," so there is a lot of older cars. I walk along and something ketches my eye. It appears to be a buggy, but it's older so I call them Slug Bugs, and it's an olive green. I'm in love. It's bright, but not too bright, y'know? I walk over to it calmly, trying to mask my excitement for the car, then I turn to speak to Bob.

"How about this one?" I say to him. Two doors, four seats, new paint, looks to be in great condition. Wow.

"That's one that just came in! 1980 buggy! It runs great and the radio has a line in installed already! Its lin perfect condition!" he says to me and Mom.

"How much?" I ask, hesitant.

"$8,000. Great deal! Practically new!" I look over to Mom and shake my head. She turns to Bob.

"We'll take it!" she says. I smile at her. She's the best! Once all the paperwork was done, we drove straight to the DMV and got my plate. We ended up getting home after dinner time. Oops.

"Thank you, Mom," I say to her, hugging her tightly as she returns my embrace. "Goodnight!" I say running upstairs and flopping onto my bed. Maybe this town won't be too bad...

After my alarm is set, backpack packed, and I'm changed and clean, I lie in bed, willing myself to sleep. I'm so nervous. They've already started the term by a week and I'm going to be the new kid. I heard they just got one last week. So I'll be the newer kid. In a new town. Great.

Also I look pretty non approachable, so I might not make friends. I'll probably get lost. Then I'll be late. Then all the teachers will hate me and I'll die! No reason to worry at all.

I'm probably over exaggerating. But maybe not! AGH! I hate everything! The silence in my room seems to deepen. How is the rain not pounding my roof? I sigh again and try to relax. I'll make it. Maybe. Probably not.

I drift to sleep and a memory replays itself.

My dad and I are in his car, he's driving. I'm looking through my purse, when suddenly, my dad swerves out of the way of a deer and we hit the concrete lining in the middle of the lanes. I feel cuts and bruises as the airbag starts to deflate. I look over to my dad. He's unconscious. Wait. Where's the airbag?

His head lays on the dashboard bleeding horribly. His head bashed in pretty horrifically. My heart practically stops as I start to panic. What happened? Why didn't the airbag go off.

I here the sirens of the ambulance as I yell at him. "DAD! DAD?!" I yell. Tears start to stream down my cheeks as I shake his shoulder. I keep yelling, even though I know it's too late. Even though I know he's gone.

The memory blurs to another one. I see a field of lovely grass with polished grey stones sticking up out of the ground, with people in black surrounding one. His funeral.

I see my family and I first, we pop out of the crowd with our bright red hair. The twins are choking back tears and Mom's falling apart. Ethan has his arm draped around her, squeezing her shoulder. My face is blank, hiding all emotions. It's my camouflage. Keeps me protected and safe. The priest continues as snow starts to fall slowly. It ends so slowly it's agonizing. The people and world fade away and it's just me. Standing there. No emotion.

I can feel so much time moving past me as I stand there in the never ending blackness. I feel myself sink lower and lower into agony. Deeper and deeper into depression. These past few days have been good ones. Usually I'm not there. My face is blank and pale. My eyes bloodshot with deep bags under them. It feels as if I'm dying. But no. I stand there in my black dress and heals, standing. And standing.

Waiting for something I'll never have.

Peace.

Love.

Someone to fill the void that has become my heart. I'll wait as long as it takes. But know, I will never stop waiting for it to walk through the door. I'll never stop wanting that feeling. Craving it desperately.

Waiting for it. She. Him... him.

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