Spray Painted Bananas

Chapter 14

A bright light cuts through my dream and I wake with a jolt. The light is so blinding that it hurts to open my eyes. Someone is shining a torch in my face. Beyond the glare I make out Egg’s silhouette.

‘What the hell are you doing?’ I cry.

‘Who are you?’

It must be the early hours of the morning. Outside my window I can see it’s still dark.

‘Turn it off!’

He lowers the torch. I rub my eyes and sit up in bed.

‘Are you MI5?’

Is he drunk?

‘MI6?’

Is this some pot-induced paranoia fit?

‘MI7? MI8?’

‘What are you on about?’

In all the years we’ve been living together in this flat, Egg has never entered my room in the middle of the night like this.

‘Tell me!’ he pleads. ‘Who are you working for?’

‘You know who I’m bloody working for Egg. I complain about the agency on a regular basis.’

‘So you are a secret agent!’

‘Yes, I’m a secret temp agent! It’s very hard getting work because no one knows who I bloody am.’

Egg looks unhappy.

‘Of course I’m not a secret agent, you nutcase! Do you think my bedroom would really be this messy if I was?’

‘Then why Amber? Are you working undercover for the Tax office?’

He’s lost it. All those books have finally got to him. His brain has been chewed up by theories and spat out. Any minute now and he’s going to start checking my cupboards for aliens. I snatch up my phone which for once is on my bed side table and the clock tells me it’s four in the morning.

‘Okay Egg, what have you taken? Should I be ringing the hospital to get your stomach pumped?’

He holds my gaze for a moment then his face crumples and he flops down at the end of my bed with his head in his hands. I don’t know much about drugs. I don’t know how I managed to go through university without ever coming into contact with any, but I did. My friends and I didn’t need much. We were content with beer and tequila shots. I probably should know what it means to take acid. In my head I can’t separate it from the horrible burning stuff that can melt human flesh like an ice cream in the sun. How people swallow it remains a mystery to me.