Tormented love

Chapter 10

Zach and I walked to first period together Ally's finger looped through my belt buckle. We didn't know what was in store for us next period, we only hoped we wouldn't be dead center of the chaos we heard echoing down the hall.

Part of me hoped it wasn't coming from the class we were about to enter. The other part of me braced myself for the reality of what was.

This was the universes way of testing me to my limits. I'd been through so many struggles lately and it seems as though I'm about to jump head first into another. I'd try to jump in correctly, land standing on my feet. Yet the universe would force gravity against me and knock me flat on my ass all over again. It was a common reoccurrence lately. It aches to know what I'm probably about to go through.

I was merely seconds from stepping into the class when I realized what was going on. Gladly, the breathe I was holding in exhaled. It wasn't about me this time, or about Zach and I or even Ally. The three of us were finally on the back burner. For once.

My heart still ached though. As soon as I stepped under the door frame I seen the tears daring to brim into Rohan's eyes. I seen the distasteful look on Tyler's face. The annoying smirk on Shawns face and the sarcasm pouring from Ambers soul. The vibe that bother me the most was seeping from Jake.

He looked disappointed, not near as much as when he found out about Zach and I but it made me think back to the unsatisfied look he gave me in the parking lot of the gym that day. I'm sure he felt a sense of betrayal once again.

I couldn't sympathize with him though, I was hurting too. He didn't care about that. He never cared about that for a second.

"It's not much about you Rohan it's just, look. It's like this." Amber was trying to talk yet, I knew this group had a strong and mutual hate for her. For a long time they have. It was mending for a few weeks but it all just resurfaced. The words coming from her mouth stung Jake. They annoyed Tyler and hurt Rohan.

"No one needs an explanation from you." Jake began. "I can explain you for myself." Ally, Zach and I moved to take our seat while focus was directed at a different group. A familiar group, but different. "You're a whore. Point blank, I've explained you. Bravo Shawn." Jake clapped his hands together and looked toward Amber. "Did you think you could hurt Rohan?" A sly look played on his face. "A girl who sent Rohan a fully undressed picture the day before coming out as dating another guy could hurt Rohan?" Jake laughed sarcastically. " 'Rohan, oh Rohan.'" He mimicked her moaning. I wanted to laugh for a second. "Does that ring a bell?" Shawn looked confused. "Oh sorry that was just my expression of her sleeping with Rohan lastnight in my guest room."  He shrugged his shoulders. "Nice boobs though." He pulled his phone out and showed around the picture Rohan had apparently sent him.

This was not the Jake I was friends with. I refuse to believe or even try to grasp this was remotely even the same being. Amber walked to our group as we sat quietly in the corner. Ally jumped out of her seat.

"No. I don't know what you think this is but no." Ally spat. Most of the class laughed and I felt sorrowful for Amber as she turned on her heels and stormed out of this class. She was so used to turning to Ally. The desperation was visible in her eyes. "Stupid bitch." Ally mumbled.

I couldn't blame Ally though. Amber used her to the bitter end. All the hurt I seen surrounding the group Zach and I once called friends quickly turned into anger but I still wished I could be there for each of them most importantly Jake. I knew neither of them felt the same and for that I was hurting.

Zach must've understood my feelings and shared it mutually because for the rest of the class period he zoned in and out and tapped his pencil on the desk. I'd see him ever so often look towards the group of boys who sat quietly to themselves for once. Our teacher spoke more and tried involving everyone in the lesson.

What he didn't understand was that each of us were consumed by the drama called highschool. Would things always be this hard?

Would my parents always fight? Would Jake always hate me? I was naive to even be considering Jake after the way he's treated me or the way he's changed.

I know him better than anyone though and deep down, my Jake still exist. He's not only a memory clouded in my mind. "Anna, let's study for Mrs. Jens exam during the break in the lounge?" Was this Allys attempt to get my mind away from things? I was partially scared Zach told her about my parents but I trusted him and felt that maybe he wouldn't do that.

Besides he's been all I've had around for a week or so now. He's so sweet and caring towards me that I get speechless sometimes. He wouldn't betray me and especially not to who I call my best friend.

This break period was not of its usual chatter, everyone was mutually quiet. I didn't know if it was because we had an exam next period of if maybe everyone was realizing that our class is no longer the same. What used to be Jake and Anna with friends is now Jake and his friends separated from Anna and Zach, his friend of the past. The closest to him besides me. What used to be Ally and Amber is now Ally and her friends and Amber with different guys. Several different guys. Shawn decided against her when he discovered her late night activities. Now she's leaned against another boy. One I remember as Devon.

The rest of our class surely didn't care if we were having trouble in our group, but maybe they felt things were changing. Things were getting bad now.

To think, we still have a year left. Next year though, will Jake have forgiven me by then? Maybe it would all blow over and Jake and I would accept the mutual hate and move on.

The fact is though, the hate is not mutual. I'm not sure if it ever will be.

"Can I talk to you?" Ally and I both looked up, expecting Zach. My stomach churned as I noticed it wasn't Zach's voice though. I didn't understand why he wanted to talk to me.

We had nothing to speak of. What's done is done and there's nothing he can do to fix it. "Please?" I used the palm of my hand to push myself away from the table. Still deciding if I needed to or not. I wanted to but I haven't decided if I need to or not.

"Anna, you don't have to talk to him." Ally offered. She's right I didn't. I wanted to though, I wanted a type of closure. I longed to understand what happened. What actually happened. Cause I know it can't just end in I dated a boy and Jake hates me for the rest of our life.

"She's right Anna, you don't. I would really appreciate it though." Tyler seemed sincere and I wanted to trust him so I stood up and grabbed my bag. I knew Ally just wanted me to be okay, I did too. I couldn't be okay though, not without understanding why Jake hated me. If anyone could offer me the slightest answer, Tyler would be the one to do so. If he was going to or if he even wanted to would soon be laid out in front of me. I hoped he did, but if he's anything like Jake he's called on me to hurt me, again.

"I'll be okay Ally. Thank you. I'll be back in time for the exam." She offered a weak smile. Tyler and I stepped out of the lounge. I could hear Zach enter the room and begin asking Ally questions, I imagined to clarify I was okay.

I was, I really was. I am just hurting. A hurt that can be dealt with.

We walked to the bleachers in silence. Not a word fell from his mouth or mine. I would've accepted that for a lifetime over his next sentence. It caused the breath in my lungs to disappear or that's at least what it felt like.

It felt like I suffocated. How could he possibly bring himself to say those words to me? Over and over they've hurt me. They've meant to hurt me but this time? This time it stung.