Zlingball – Rules and Regulations
Approved by the Solar System Professional Zlingball Association (SSPZA)
The game of zlingball was invented in 2035 by University of Ganymede professor Testis Jompper. Professor Jompper was the dean of the physics department at the time and was approached by the gym teacher who was having difficulty setting up a proper sport curriculum. The problem was due to the inhospitable environment on Jupiter's moon making it impossible to play outside and the high cost of the installations resulted in limited gym space. Professor Jompper had to work with rooms having a maximum height of eight feet by fifteen feet wide and thirty feet deep. For inspiration, he spent hours bouncing a rubber ball against the walls of the gym searching for a solution. On one such occasion a student playing with a bolo bat walked into the gym, this caused a distraction and professor Jompper stopped paying attention to his ball throwing. As a result, he suffered a direct hit to his groin area from the returning ball. While recovering from the pain, professor Jommper, still rolling on the floor, came up with the game of zlingball. Zlingball has been gaining popularity since its inception and is now played throughout the solar system. It has spawned many variations such as four player zlingball, ultimate zlingball and mixed couple zlingball. Interest in the game began to spread quickly after the publication of the short story “Is That A Telomere In Your Genes, Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?”(1).
The basic gear includes zlingball shoes, sensor laden suit, head helmet and athletic cup (also known as the target). The athletic cup is worn on top of the suit and has its own sensors (2).
A legal zlingball bat is made from a high density graphite composite (3). The bat has a maximum length of two feet with the first ten inches having a diameter between one to two inches (handle section) and the remaining fourtheen inches (ball pounder section) has a four inch girth. While the handle section is perfectly round, the ball pounding portion is slightly elliptical so that skillful players can apply spinning effects to the ball (4).
The zlingball is a perfectly round ball made with a highly compressed super elastic polymer. It has a diameter of 2 inches and is hung between the ceiling and the floor by equal lengths of taunt bungee cords attached to opposite sides of the ball.
In traditional two player zlingball the court is eight feet high by fifteen feet wide and thirty feet deep. The court is divided into two equal parts by a dividing line located fifteen feet from the back walls. Each players is confined to opposite sides of the court. Two zlingballs are used, one for each player, located at opposite sides of the court seven and half feet from the back walls and seven and half feet from the side walls.
Rules of play
The player that wins the toss is expected to choose the side from where he/she prefers playing. Play starts after the official blows the starter flute. Each player hits his/her ball towards his/her opponent and attempts to hit him/her while avoiding being hit by the opponents ball and his/her own recoiling ball. Scoring occurs when either balls touches a player's sensitized suit. A computer automatically tallies the scores.
Points are awarded as follows:
- One point if a player's ball hits his/her opponent. Known as a zling.
-Two points awarded to an opponent if a player is hit by his own ball. Known as a zlang.
- Three points are awarded to an opponent if a player is hit by the opponent's ball and his/her own ball before he/she as a chance to hit his/her ball again. Know as a zlong.
-Four point are awarded to the opponent if a player is hit by the opponent's ball after suffering a Zlong. Known as a Zlung.
Play does not stop between points.
The game is won by the first player who reaches 100 points. A player who gets Zlunged twice in a row automatically loses. This is known as being “well zlunged”.
Extra points are awarded if the ball hits the following parts of an opponents body:
One point for a helmet hit
Two points for a butt hit.
Four points for a cup hit (also know as a ball on balls in men's leagues and ball in the basket in women's leagues).
A penalty shot is awarded for the following:
A player steps into his/her opponent's court.
A player spits on his/her ball
A player spits on his/her bat
During a penalty shot the penalized player must stand in front of his/her zlingball while his/her opponent takes aim. The official then blows his/her flute which signals the offensive player that he/she can hit his/her ball and the defensive player can then try to move out of the way. If the defensive player moves before the opponent hits his/her ball, he/she automatically forfeits a point.
(2) In women's zlingball the cup is worn inside out.
(3) Some Earth leagues allow wooden mallets called the wood. These are not permitted under SSPZA rules.
(4) Ribbed bats or curved bats are not allowed under SSPZA rules.