Stars collide

Chapter 10: Not enough

Song for this chapter:
Complicated-Olivia O'Brien

I returned back inside after seeing Jenny off. I can't help but think of what she told me before leaving. Was she right?

"What took you so long?" Yann asks me as I take back my seat.

"Nothing, the washrooms were overcrowded." I decide not to tell him about my little encounter with Jenny. Not that it concerns him anyway. He just nods and focuses back his attention to the stage.

Once all those loud music thing were finally over, we went in the hallway. Yann took me to meet his friends who gave me a weird look. Like I was inferior to them. I take a step back and hit the table behind me.

"Careful Nadia." Yann puts his hand on my back to prevent me from falling.

"With what kind of people are you hanging out Yann? Just look at her man!" one of his friends laughs at me, which made me feel even more embarrassed. 

I remained silent and look away.

Yann also doesn't say anything to his friend. Why can't someone at least fight for me?

Yann is a very handsome and popular guy while I am the simple and invisible girl whom nobody even notices, let alone try to understand me. I look over to Yann and see him talking to his friends. Those girls were literally top models, one of them was wearing a red dress which falls just below her knee, her hair were open and her make up was just perfect. Her bright red lipstick made her lips pop out. Nothing compared to my plain jeans, red and white stripe shirt and boring ponytail. How can I even expect someone to look at me?

Especially such an incredible and famous guy like Yann. He makes me feel so edgy and nervous as hell. He looked like he was in a very deep conversation with his friends. The set of his chin suggested a stubborn streak and his lips were firm and sensual. I couldn't help but listen to his voice which was so deep, with a velvet-edge, and strong. His eyes caught mine and he looked at me for God knows how many seconds or minutes. Why is he looking at me like that? Am I looking that ugly and stupid?

My body tenses, hands start trembling and I didn't know why.  Yann finally excuses himself from his friends and makes his way towards me.  God, please help.

"Hey, shall we go?" he asks with a small grin on his face.

"Uhh yeah sure." is all I managed to say. why is it so difficult to maintain a normal conversation with him without all those strange....sparks?

He starts walking ahead and I try to catch up with him. For each one step he takes, I had to take two steps to be able to walk beside him, otherwise I would be left behind.

Yann suddenly stops as he takes out his phone from his pocket. His phone was ringing and a huge smile appeared on his face while looking at the screen. I wonder who it is..

"Hey baby, what's up? I was just coming to you" he says and I could feel my chest tighten.

Of course he has a girlfriend, you really thought that such a guy would be single!?so naive of you Nadia. My sub conscious tells me.

Yes. I should have known better. It was so foolish of me to believe, to have at least that little ray of hope that there could have been something wonderful, sweet and passionate between him and me. I have dared to dream about the impossible and now here I am. I feel so pathetic but mostly angry at myself. How could I have even thought about it? As I stare at my own reflection in the mirror just across the corridor, my thoughts begin to run wild.

I smile slightly as I see that my hair was tied in a simple yet cute ponytail. 

But It's so frizzy and looks like a complete mess! I hear a little voice tell me from behind which makes my smile fade away.

I now look at my face which is of an oval shape with chubby cheeks.

Chubby cheeks are cute but you have pimples! That's not too attractive honey. The little voice adds up.

I move forward to take a closer look at my eyes. They are of a dark brown color. I really like it, just like melted chocolate.

Sure but you have to wear specs which makes you look like a real nerdy girl. Sorry but not sorry!

I place one of my hands on the mirror and notice the hair that I have on my arm.

No offence but you really need a waxing session. It was nearly a whisper this time. 

My eyes were now filled with tears. I tried to contain them but in vain.

At least my height is good?

You kidding me? You're just 5'4"! when you walk holding your umbrella, you look like a mushroom.

I am not too fat nor too slim. I have a nice body shape. I am curvy.

You have stretch marks. 

I am being myself but it's still not enough, isn't it?

No darling, its not enough. Now tell me, will a handsome, tall and perfect guy like Yann ever fall for a girl like you? Be realistic girl, this is no fairy tale. 

The voices in my head were now too loud, dark and deafening.

"No, no, no, no and no" I say completely shattered now. He will never look at a girl like me, let alone date. That's the confusing part, I know we can't and will never actually date. My snarky sub conscious reminds me every time that we aren't dating at all, or even close to it. Have you ever thought this? That there are people that you think are just out of your league and you know they will never fall in love with someone like you.

Have you ever met someone and they are so perfect in every way. And maybe they aren't perfect to everybody, but to you they're just absolutely amazing. The way they laugh and smile and talk and think and look and just everything about them and everything they do just keeps amazing you. Well, sadly nobody is ever gonna feel that way for me.

I look behind and see that Yann was now talking to one of his friends. I quickly wipe the tears that were flowing down my cheeks. I don't want anyone to notice my pain and ask me about it because I know that they will never understand. Never ever. 

Since Yann seemed really busy, I take the opportunity and slowly walked away from him. Then, I start walking faster and faster until I reached the main door. Taking one last glance inside, I make my way outside. I just want to go home...