» Chapter 44

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---- [T -> J] ----

T: Can you imagine freshly-adopted young Dickie hanging out with 20-something-year-old Bruce's high society friends?
T: Bruce: hi guys, thanks for watching Dick while I Slipped Away For A Completely Real Reason That Has Nothing To Do With Stopping Crime HaHaHa I'm Not Batman. How was it?
T: One of Bruce's rich friends: it was great! He's so adorable. His piano is coming along beautifully and I learned that we exist in an inherently corrupt system that can never benefit the majority because it was built for the rich to profit from suffering! :)
T: Bruce: uh

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J: giraffes and elephants are the most insane animals and I can't believe we're allowed to coexist with them
T: temporarily allowed

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T: I was hanging out in Dickie and Wally's apartment and they got back from Roy's drunk and-
T: Wally, standing in the middle of the kitchen: shall we eat out tonight?
T: Dickie, shaking his head: sorry. I'm not dating a married man.
T: Wally, concerned: hey... I'm your husband
T: Dickie, frowning: no exceptions

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J: I have no idea how to stop Dickie from trying sacrificing himself
T: I don't know? Chain him up. There's not a whole lot you can do short of sedating him
J: so we lightly poison him

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T: Garlicbread drags any meal from like a 3 to a solid 10

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J: Earlier someone asked me what my favourite number was. You know what I said?
T: "it used to be 2, but now it's 3 oddly enough"
J: you son of a bitch that's exactly what I said

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T: Coffee or tea?
J: Tea
T: WRONG! It's coffee

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J: Do you take constructive criticism?
T: Not without crying

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T: might fuck around and throw my phone in a lake, who knows

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J: I'm gonna pay you $1,000,000,000 to fuck off

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T: Mostly I miss attending feasts disguised as a beggar, revealing my true identity at a critical juncture, and proceeding to slaughter all the suitors in my feast hall

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J: The Bond's Name. James Name.
T: pleased to... what?
J: Bond's Name's the james
T: are you alright?
J: Bames Nond's having a stronk, call a Bondulance

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T: wait listening to songs on repeat isn't a personality trait?

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J: If you're not happy when you're single, you won't be happy when you're taken. Happiness comes from garlicbread not relationships.

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T: Am I attractive? No
T: Do I have a great personality? Also no
T: Do I keep my wife locked away in a secret room on the third floor of my mysterious gothic manor? No, of course not. Why, did you hear something?

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J: So Roy told me the story of his most recent hookup.
J: "A cute girl told me she has lots of plants at her house and I was drunk as fuck and said "damn the oxygen at your place must be mad crisp" and she still came home with me so. Nothing is impossible chase your dreams."

---- [Proof god is dead] ----

R: next person that play me is getting tazed. Now look at us, both shocked

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J: things I have seen Timmy take his meds with (part 1):
J: orange juice
J: iced coffee
J: redbull
J: flat pepsi
J: cold hot chocolate
J: unknown liquid #1
J: unknown liquid #2
J: milk

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D: is no one else concerned that the only person in this chat with admin powers is Roy
D: Like it's not even me wtf
R: that's not true. timmy has admin powers
W: HE FUCKING WHAT
J: WHY WOULD YOU GIVE HIM THAT MUCH POWER
T: bc roy and I are best friends. smh jealous ass hoes

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W: We were playing Never Have I Ever at a party and someone said "Never have I ever had a crush on Roy Harper" and everyone drank then the person said "you're right that was a lie" and drank too

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R: The goal of polyamory is to acquire enough partners to pull off a successful heist
W: I want a lady in the street and a lady in the sheets. I want one lady covering the exits, one watching from the car park, one sniping from the roof. I want one cracking the safe and one rigging explosives. I want one-

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D: Timmy, sitting at the batcomputer dipping oreos in his vodka-spiked coffee, wearing nothing but Roy's Wonder Women boxers and knee-high socks attached to garters. His hair is unbrushed and his nails are painted black, he's listening to 100 gecs: *literally just exists*
D: Jason, forgetting to breathe: 👁 👄 👁

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D: Gen Z as lawyers
T: "your honour, thats cap"
W: "seems mad sus to me"
R: "y'all hear smth bc I dont"
J: "it's the lack of evidence for me"
W: "no your honour but I fw you for trying"
R: "he's innocent but go off"
T: "if you saw my client committing a crime no you didn't ❤️"
W: "Y'ALL ARE GOING TO JAIL PERIODTTT"
J: "*wins the case* "AND ILL DO IT AGAIN"
R: "Chair but make it ✨electric✨"

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D: I don't care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
T: unfortunately, I'm alive
R: me too
J: not dead
W: also alive
D: Not in jail?
W: I'm in jail but only for trespassing
T: it's possession for me
R: public indecency but Timmy dared me
J: suspect in a murder case
D: thank God cause they got me for auto theft

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R: Someone help me out here
R: what colour is Wally's shirt?
T: ...gray?
J: Gray
R: Wally, tell them what colour you think it is
W: Dark white
D: oh my god I love him so much

---- [T -> J] ----

T: Must one have stopped one's bullshit in order to be back on it? Or might one simply CONTINUE one's bullshit?

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J: Someone asked Dickie why he was gay and he said "contractually obligayted"

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T: oh to be a worm! in this rainy weather! dancing in the mud! being eaten be birds! oh! rain worm!

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J: This tea tastes exquisite and exotic, what is it called?
T: I call it, boiled gatoradé

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T: i vent all the poisonous computer air from my case directly into my lungs and it gives me the disorders I require to make good posts

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J: I know you think you're helping, but you're not.
T: I don't think I'm helping.

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T: "i love you" ★☆☆☆☆
T: "i'm here to save you" ★★★★★★★★★

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J: where was updog when we needed him most

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T: wish i owned fish so i wouldn't have to keep going to the kitchen to refill my water bottle

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J: I love how none of Bruce's friends know fucking anything about him
J: Barry, going through one of the closets: Hey B? What's with the menorah?
J: Bruce, slowly: I'm Jewish, Barry
J: THEY'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR LIKE TWENTY YEARS
T: To be fair, they didn't know Bruce was Bruce for like half those years

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