To Learn to Let Go | ✔

Chapter 9

As my thoughts continued to spiral my anxiety rose. The dream of Trent abusing me popped back into my mind. The dream distracted me for a moment from my spiraling thoughts, but then the two become entangled. It was then I realized the thoughts had always been entangled. I could never separate what Adam did to me from anything, any relationship in my life. He was in everything, he was everywhere.

I couldn't let Adam control me anymore, isolate me from the world, from friendship, from love. This hold he had on my life, while not even being here, it had to end. I had to be able to breathe. So once again I turned to the only thing that gave me that sigh of relief. My mind cleared and every muscle in my body relaxed as I felt the cold metal on my skin. With my mind at ease I tucked myself under the covers and shut my eyes, falling, for the first time in years, into a deep and peaceful sleep.

I awoke the next morning feeling well-rested. It was a strange feeling, being free from the constant exhaustion I always felt. This was the first night in years that I didn't wake up screaming from my worst nightmare being relived over and over. There was a voice nagging in the back of my mind, telling me not to let my guard down though. This was such a rare feeling, a surreal moment, that part of me was already preparing for it to come crashing down. So, while reserved, I was still going to enjoy this moment while I could. I was going to take this moment and try to better myself and my relationships. I got ready for school, wearing my usual jeans, tee shirt, flannel, and vans. They somehow felt better on me today.

As I headed out the door, I looked down the driveway and quickly found Trent's truck. A smile spready across my face as I headed down the driveway. Trent quickly got out of the truck and made his way to the passenger door, opening it for me and closing it once I was safely sat in the passenger's seat.

"Hi," he smiled as he buckled himself in.

"Hey," I smiled back.

"You seem happy today."

I took a deep breath and focused on the words I wanted to say in effort to stop myself from stuttering. "Happy as I can be."

"And what inspired this happiness?" Trent asked. I tugged at my shirt sleeve, rubbing it against the open wounds on my wrist. I thought for a moment about how to explain it to him. Could I be that honest with him yet?

"I... came to some realizations."

"Do you want to talk about them?" He asked me.

"No, I'm good. But thanks."

"I just noticed, you haven't stuttered once this whole conversation," he smiled.

"I'm making a very conscious effort not to right now."

"Well, you're doing great."

"Thanks. So how has suspension been?"

"Honestly? Awful. I'm bored as shit. I thought not being at school for a week would be sick, but I just sit on my ass and worry all day," he admitted.

"Worry? About what?"

"About you." My cheeks flushed.

"I-I'm fine," I mumbled, my stutter betraying me.

"All I can think about is if Kyle and his goons hurt you again, and I'm not there to protect you," he said through barred teeth.

"Trent, you don't have to protect me."

"You were getting beat up, every day before we met."

"I've been through worse, trust me. I can handle it."

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Forget about it." Trent's truck pulled over to the curb as he approached the student drop off area. He parked the car a little way down the street and turned to face me.

"Gray, before you bumped into me in the hallway that day, I didn't give a shit about anyone or anything. But ever since I saw your face it is all I can think about. And seeing them hurt you..." his voice trailed off. "I can't let that happen to you again."

"Trent, I promise I'll be okay. You don't have to worry about me."

"That's not going to happen, I do nothing but worry. Not just about you, about everything," he laughed. I laughed too because damn was that relatable.

"I have to go, I don't want to be late," I grabbed my bag and opened the door to the truck, "I'll see you after school?"

"Of course, 2:12, right here. Oh hey, there's Brayden." Trent honked the horn, which startled me, but grabbed Brayden's attention. He walked over to the truck and gave me a small smile.

"What's up man?" Brayden asked Trent.

"Can you walk Gray to class?" I smiled at him calling me Gray, I knew he's done it quite a bit but it still makes me happy.

"Of course, c'mon man." I waved to Trent, who winked at me and smiled before driving off. I followed Brayden into school and through the halls. "So, what's the story with you two? Are you dating Trent?"

"H-he hasn't told you?" I asked, genuinely curious that Trent hasn't talked about me to his best friend.

"Trent's a very private guy, especially with things he's confused about."

"Confused?" I asked.

"Trent's not gay." My heart sank, and Brayden could see it. "No, that's not what I mean, I just... he's never been with a guy before, he's never really been with anyone before. He doesn't really do relationships. He just does hook ups. But he's only ever been with girls."

"S-so what are you saying?"

"Nothing, I mean maybe he's bi or pan, I don't know. But he's going through something he never has before. The way he's acting, it just isn't like him."

"I don't know what Trent was like before, but with me he's sweet. And I don't th-think we're dating. Just... talking."

"Well, whatever you're doing, keep it up. You're helping him."