Happy Thoughts (Frerard)

Chapter 22

Frank's POV

 

The footsteps neared me, each one its own individual beat, spaced apart by pure silence. They slowed as they approached the end of the hall closest to me until they were just around the corner. I swallowed my heart, waiting for someone to leap around and grab me, but there was nothing. I waited for what could have been minutes, but still nothing.

All of a sudden my phone rings from the back of the apartment. I waited, to see if the footsteps start again, but still nothing. I leaped around the corner, holding the kitchen knife in front of me ready to defend myself, but nobody attacked me.

"Are you sure there's someone here?" I shouted, not sure in what direction to speak.

"There was. They must be gone now." The voice appeared in his human form behind me. I spun around to face him. "You can't let your guard down now, they'll be back."

I nodded my head, smiling. He didn't get me this time! I must not let him get me ever, for Gerard. I looked to the voice, checking to make sure he didn't know I was thinking about Gerard.

"You're not thinking about Gerard, are you?" Shit he knows.

"Uh no, of course not!"

"Frank don't you fucking lie to me."

I averted my eyes to the floor to avoid eye contact. "I didn't mean to, I swear, I didn't mean to think about him!"

The voice tensed up and looked like he was going to take over me, make me do bad things, but all he said instead was "Well try harder to block him out." And with that, he vanished.

I wallowed to my room where I collapsed onto my bed. I took off my armor and stared at the ceiling, gazing off into a fuzzy state of mind.

I woke up, a beam of light shining through the window shined across my eyes. Did I really sleep all night?

I turned to check the time on my phone. 6:30 a.m., and a new voicemail from Gerard.

Gerard.

I glanced up quickly from my phone, checking to see if the voice was anywhere near. After seeing it was clear I opened the voicemail.

"Hi Frank, it's me. It sucks here. I miss you so much. I just wanted to check up, hear your voice. Call me when you can, okay? I love you, so so much. Stay safe, okay? I'll see you soon. Bye cutie."

I smiled, setting the phone back on my bedside table.

Fuck, I missed him.

You don’t miss him Frank. You don’t need him.

I turned around but the voice wasn’t taking on his physical form.

“Yes I do…”

No you don’t, you’re so fucking pathetic. He doesn’t care about you even a little compared to how much you think he does. He’s just like everyone else who ever said they cared, just like your parents.

I clenched my teeth. “Gerard is nothing like my parents.”

Oh, but he is. Just you see, he won’t be here for you when you need him. He’s exactly like your parents.

“No, he’s not!” I shouted. “He’s nothing like anyone I’ve ever met before, and he does care!” I threw my pillows off the bed, and then the bedding. I threw the empty pill bottles from my table across the room. “Gerard loves me, don’t you fucking tell me he doesn’t!”

My head throbbed with rage, so much I became very dizzy. I couldn’t walk straight, fuck, I couldn’t even see straight. Everything was blurry and spinning. I was going numb.

I fumbled through the bedding and pillows trying to make it to the door, but collapsed in the mess instead. I couldn’t find my legs, everything felt cold. I laid in the mess of blankets and pillows crying.

“What’s wrong with me? I’m fucking insane, I hate myself!”

“I don’t think you’re insane.”  A sweet, familiar voice spoke, but I couldn’t see still, nothing but a dark blurry tall figure in front of me. “Think happy thoughts, everything is going to be okay.”

“Gerard--I’m, I can’t see anything. Everything is so blurry and out of focus.” I looked up once more but the blurry dark figure was gone.

“Just think happy thoughts.” His voice faded away.

 

I laid still until I regained vision and feeling of my legs, and then walked to the living room. I needed to distract myself, my mind was feeling weird. I sat on the couch and turned on the TV, hoping it would be enough.

“So where was your Gerard when you laid helplessly on a pile of bedding, numb and weak? Hm, Frank?” The voice stood in front of the TV, purposefully blocking my view.

“Gerard was there, I saw him! He spoke to me, he was comforting me!”

“Sure he was, Frank.”

“Fuck you, I heard him! I could hardly see him, but he was there!”

“Don’t you fucking raise your voice at me.” He walked closer to me. “I’m the only one here with you now, aren’t I?”

“But Gerard was here…”

“You know that man that was here, the one who was going to kill you?” The voice grinned. “Well, it turns out he left because he wasn’t after you… He was after Gerard.”

“You’re lying.”

“You think I’m lying? Well, I guess you’ll just have to see it then.” He faded away.

Why would anyone want to kill Gerard? He was sweet, loving; who could ever want to harm him?

My stomach grumbled and my head was feeling weak. I hadn’t really eaten anything at all since Gerard left, it was time I ate something. I pulled some food from the freezer, thinking as it cooked.

Did someone really want to kill Gerard?

~