30 - Part II: Who I Am

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When I woke up, my hand and arm was the first place I looked. It was wrapped up in a long bandage. I went at it wanting to stare at my mark when a male voice said, "I wouldn't do that..."
 
My head snapped toward Gabriel and I tried to control the small spark wanting to ignite again.
He was sat next to the window in a chair with his hands on the rests. His face was still blank as he stared at me.
 
A part of me wanted to jump up and run over to kiss him... But that was only a small part. The other part wanted to claw at him. I didn't know why and I didn't want to explore it any further.
 
Everything before my change seemed... Distant. Like it was another world. I couldn't remember a lot of things. I could only remember some basics like, everything to do with Angels and a little bit about my family and friends. 

I frowned. I could remember their names and how close I was to them, but memories about them were very blurred.
 
There were new things in my mind. Like whom I was... But it was locked in a cage. I could practically see the chains around the cage. I wanted to open it.
 
My memories of Gabriel were clear.
 
Very clear in fact. Maybe it was because he was an angel. A fallen angel.
 
"I want to see it." I said. I sounded slightly different; there was a new edge to my voice. It was softer. More... Alluring. Just like Maryanne and Elizabeth's.
 
"I don't care if you want to see it," He snapped. "Just don't."
 
Why was he being so cold? 

What have I done?
 
"But-"
 
"Be quiet," He said with no emotion. "I have to get through this and then I'm leaving."
 
Tears welled in my eyes. 

What's wrong with him?
 
"Why are you being like this? What have I done to you? You're the one who left me to change. Left me when you said you'd be here..." I shook my head. Everything was so blurry.
 
His eyes widened and he stood up. "What do you mean? You remember?"
 
I nodded. "Yes, I couldn't forget you. Even if I wanted to, you'll always be in my head."
 
He rushed forward and dropped to his knees beside my bed. "You remember me? You know me."
 
I nodded. Why wouldn't I? I remember everything about the angel's
 
His eyes squeezed shut and he sighed with a shaky laugh. "You remember me..."
 
"We've established that," I said sharply. I shook my head to clear it.
 
He frowned. "You're angry."
 
My hands clenched. "Yes." I said through barred teeth.
 
"I wasn't here because I knew you wouldn't remember me afterwards--"
 
"That is no excuse," I interrupted. "Someone was here before I was even awake. And he didn't care that I didn't remember him."
 
His head tilted. "Who?"
 
I paused. I didn't know how he would react. I didn't know what relationship Gabriel and Cameron had with each other. Hell, I didn't even know what relationship I had with him in the past.
 
"Someone named Cameron was here." I told him.
 
Gabriel's eyes turned hard as he stood up. "He was in this room with you?"
 
I nodded.
 
"How do you know it was him? You couldn't see."
 
"He was talking to me." I mumbled. "And I felt his... Well, I call it energy."
 
"And you knew it was him just by his... Energy?" Gabriel asked.
 
I nodded.
 
He sighed and shook his head. "I better get this explanation over with. And we'll talk about Cameron later."
 
He walked to the end of the bed and took a book out of his bag. He threw it to me and I caught it without even thinking.
 
This was one of the books I borrowed from the library. It was the 'Fallen Angel History'. I hadn't really started this book properly. I'd only read a little on it in the library that day.
 
"Page Twenty. Read it aloud."
 
I turned to the page and read the top. 'The Powers Decision'. I'd only read a little bit about this:
 
"The Powers' Decision.
 
'The Powers was an archangel/goddess. It was their charge to make sure the rules of the universe are in balance & protect the human race from demons. Every three Millennia's the Powers will turn into its true form and make its decision to keep the balance in place or for one to overpower the other. The Powers, in other names, "The Protector", "The Apocalypse" and "Lonsa" which is Power in the Devine Language was one of the first archangels to walk the earth. And the most mischievous.
 
Myth states, The Powers decision is influential. The working Angels around them can influence the worst in them or the best. Their last and final thoughts before their..." My eyes widened. "Before their Final Stage will influence their decision.
 
The balance in the universe depends on Lonsa..."
 
I looked up at Gabriel who was staring at me intently. "What has this got to do with anything?" I asked in a shaky voice.
 
"Turn over," He said.
 
My hands shook as I turned the page. There was a painted picture of a woman with long flowing black hair and black wings. She was in the air floating in front of the sun with her arms open, her wings spread out to its maximum length and her head tilted back. Her left hand had the tribal Mark that twisted around her forearm.
 
My hand holding the page touched the picture.
 
A bolt popped off the cage in my mind that held in the memories and a flash of different scenes filled my vision.
 
I gasped at what I saw.
 
The woman's face resembled someone... The way she walked... The way she smiled... The way she frowned...
 
The images disappeared and I came back to reality.
 
A drop of water dropped on the page. I wiped the tears away and looked up at Gabriel. He was looking away from me and at the book.
 
"This is me..." I whispered to him.
 
He nodded.
 
I turned back to the book. I couldn't be The Powers. This couldn't be real. I must still be dreaming.
 
"But... But-"
 
"There is a piece of information in there that is a typo. It isn't three millennia's it's two." He mumbled. "I wrote it."
 
I shook my head as the tears poured out. "How?"
 
"I wrote this book so it was easier for me or whoever else was present during your change like..." His hands clenched. "Like Cameron, to explain who you are. It's easier that way."
 
"This was written in the 1500's." I whispered.
 
He nodded but didn't speak about it.
 
I turned back to the book and read the description underneath the picture:
 
"The Decision." It read. "The day of Lonsa's Final Stage is when... Is when..." I shut the book and threw it.
 
Gabriel moved across the room in a flash and caught it. He dropped it on floor and sighed.
 
"So what? I get my wings on Judgment day?" I snapped.
 
He nodded. "Yes."
 
"I don't want to be Lonny-"
 
Lonny...
 
Another bolt popped off the cage.
 
Lonny was her nickname... My nickname. I hated the name Lonsa, the given Enochian name.
 
"Everything is coming in small bits isn't it?" Gabriel walked toward me and sat on the edge of my bed. He didn't touch me or try to touch me which I suppose was best.
 
"Am I an angel?" I asked him ignoring what he said.
 
He stared into my eyes but didn't answer.
 
"I deserve to know, Gabriel." I demanded.
 
His eyed hardened as he said, "No you're not an angel. Not yet. Not until you get your wings. Right now you're half angel half human..."
 
"I'm a Nephilim?" I squeaked.
 
He nodded.
 
"I can't deal with this bullshit!" I yelled. "I can't be The Powers! I can't be this all important Archangel that controls the balance between good and fucking evil I'm eighteen years old for goodness sake!!"
 
The spark ignited and my hands shook. Gabriel jumped up and held my head in his hands. "Look me in the eye."
 
I stared into his blue eyes and sighed. My hands stopped shaking and the flame extinguished. When he removed his hands he glanced down at them and hid them from me. I raised a brow but thought nothing of it.
 
He sat back down. "Open you right hand."
 
I did as he said.
 
"You know that burning inside you? You feel it radiating though your body?" I nodded. "Close your eyes and concentrate on where you want it to go like your hand."
 
I shut my eyes and did as he said. The only way to get the fire around, is to get angry. I thought about how angry I was with Gabriel earlier and worked on that. The burning liquid surged to arm and hand.
 
"Open your eyes."
 
My eyes popped open and I gasped.
 
Whenever I used to get out of hot bath, I could see the steam coming off my skin... Well, that's what I was seeing right now except I was nowhere near a bath.
 
"No way..." I mumbled.
 
I let go of the anger and watched the smoke disappear and circle around the room. Gabriel stood up to open a window.
 
"This isn't a dream, Alexis. This is real. You are real. I am real. Your decision is real and you need to accept it."
 
He showed me his palms.
 
My eyes widened. His hands were both a bright red. They looked scorched. Did I do that?
 
Maybe I did need to accept it... But it was too much to take in, in a day. I'd finally found out who I was... but it seemed too unbelievable. It seemed like a dream. It felt like everything that'd happened to me, wasn't real. I shook my head.

I did need to accept it.

"How long have I been in this hospital?" I asked him suddenly.
 
"Hmm..." He tapped a finger to his chin. "Well, you woke up yesterday evening when you saw your hand and I knocked you out, sorry about that." I scowled. "You started changing last Thursday so you've been here for five days. Almost six." He pointed outside the dark window.
 
Joe was right, it didn't happen overnight.
 
"I need to use the bathroom."
 
He shook his head and I raised a brow. "Lex, I don't think you should be near a mirror."
 
"I know I have black hair, what else could there be?" 

He looked away.

"Gabriel what else is there?"
 
"The bathroom is luckily right across. Make sure no doctors see you or they'll flip out." He said.
 
I flipped the comforter off and carefully swung my legs off the bed. A pair of flip-flops was situated at the end of my bed so I slipped my feet into them. At first I wobbled on my feet from not using them in almost a week but then I rebalanced.
 
I looked down at my body in the hospital gown and frowned. But then I frowned deeper. "Am I taller?"
 
He chuckled but it was without humour. I walked to the door and slowly opened it. The halls were empty as I walked to the bathroom. There was also a new way to how I walked. It very much resembled the way the woman walked in my flashback. I didn't even mean to do it; it was like it was natural.
 
I clicked the light switch on and used the toilet. Once I finished I made sure to avoid the long mirror above the sink and washed my hand and face.
 
I was scared to look up. Scared of what I might see.

But I did it anyway.
 
I stared wide eyed at the unfamiliar woman in front of me. She resembled me in many ways, yes, but there was something menacing about the way her jaw line was perfectly straight and how her once green eyes with gold flecks were now an unusual green with grey flecks.
 
Well that explains why my eyes burnt like hell.
 
My skin wasn't as tanned as it used to be, but you could still slightly see the bronze on my skin. I ran a hand through my long black velvet soft hair. Standing up, I could see that it went just below the middle of my back.
 
My lips were almost the same except more defined. More... Full.
 
I could still see me, but I could also see a whole different person. This reflection looked strong, confident and collected.
 
The worry in my new eyes wasn't anything new. But the colour still startled me.
 
This wasn't me. This was the reflection of the goddess. The reflection of the Archangel. Not me.
 
A small chuckle escaped my lips.
 
I bet any money that's what all of the other me's used to say in my past lives. That this woman in the reflection wasn't "me".
 
I opened the door and turned the light out. The halls thank god were still empty. I'm sure all of the nurses and doctors hate me because of my crazy behaviour yesterday.
 
I walked back into my room and saw Gabriel still sitting at the edge of my bed reading one of the books he apparently wrote.
 
I had so many questions. 

And weirdly enough, my head seemed to be processing them faster than I thought.
But there were at least three that stood out among the rest. And I intended on asking him each and every one of them whether he liked it or not...
 
Starting with Cameron.
 

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 (Edited 2023)

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