Chapter 34

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The Day is getting closer

one day

one day

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Two days have passed and the more numb and closed off I have become.  I ended up calling Ryan the other day but he didn't answer. He is probably busy and doing something with his life. People would think that after I have been reunited with my real dad and brothers that my life would be a fairy tale. Well, their wrong. Life is not filled with fairy tales and fantasies, instead it is filled with cold-hearted reality.

You're a murderer

You're the reason he died.

He loved you and you killed him.

A part of me knows this isn't true but then again maybe it is. If he wasn't working the extra shifts.. if he hadn't worked that day.. if only. If only overcomes everything, it overcomes my sorrow to overcoming the heart ache. How do two little words bring so much heart break? Tomorrow is just a daily reminder of the day I lost my hero. The hero who used to stick up to my bullies. The hero who used to take away all my sadness and tears. The hero who used to be able to break every fall. The hero who used to make the dark world shine a lot brighter.

I miss you.

But if he saw me now, what would he see? Would he disappointment? Would he see pain? would he see a broken girl? Or would he see his bumblebee? I wish he was here so badly, he was my best friend. How does one miss someone so much? I wish I was the one who died that day.

If you died he would still be alive. Margaret and he would have lived a happy life together. Your father and brothers wouldn't have to live with a burden. If only you weren't alive then everyone could be happy.

The hot burning water flowed down my body burning my skin. I didn't care about the pain, all I wanted was the hands to wash away. I want the scars to wash away. I just want my past and pain to wash away. I turned the water off and wrapped my body with a big fluffy towel. My shoulder has also healed a lot and I took out the stitches myself this morning. Though that was out of Alex's knowledge. I also don't have to wear a sling anymore which is good because now I can practice. though me not wearing the sling anymore is also out of his knowledge. whenever he or my brothers or father is not around I take it off. But I always slip it back on before they come and see. My skin was bright red and looked very flushed I didn't waste any time to put the brace on for my ribs and to grab random baggy clothes for myself.

I went back into the bedroom deciding whether or not to go down to the kitchen where the others are. But I just want to be alone, I don't want anyone to see me. I just want to hide and pretend that I am invisible. I opened the window and sat out on the ledge letting my legs hang. If only I had my smokes with me. I thought to myself chuckling dryly. I wish that they never took them away from me. they were one thing what actually calmed my nerves. The sky was bright and filled with big fluffy white clouds shinning over the forest and fields. If he was here he would have taken loads of photos. It is weird to think that a sky and day that can shine so bright can be so gloomy at the same time. The world is like a mask it appears to be beautiful and peaceful but when you look behind the mask you can the dark secrets it tries to conceal. I heard the door open but I couldn't be bothered to see who it is. "Hey, piccolo". Alex's voice was soft, I didn't respond I just acted as if I didn't hear. I then felt arms snake around my waist pulling me out of the window. I huffed in annoyance and skulled crossing my arms around my chest. "Can you not". I snapped at him glaring at him with my cold eyes, his eyes then darkened.

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