Chapter 12

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"And if I didn't know before, I definitely do now. This girl is a force to be reckoned with, a storm full of spirit and devotion, about to knock me off my feet and into the pits of forbidden desire, right where I belong."


I can breathe.

For the first time in I don't remember how long it actually feels like I can breathe. I can actually feel the oxygen flow into my lungs, feel the air leaving my throat with every breath I take. 

My heart seems to beat louder, too. It thunders in a vigorous pattern, reminding me of my existence every time it pumps in my chest, and I bathe in it. Bathe in the feeling of being alive, of being tangible and present.

I haven't left the house for a month now. Medical research has become my go-to distraction for whenever it feels like it's all too much. I've read into psychology as well, I want to find a way to understand how my brain is working right now. It's confusing as hell, though. Maybe I should've gone for neurology after all...

And then there's Mia. She's... Well, she's Mia. It's impossible not to notice her as soon as she's in eyesight. She's become my second obsession, if I'm being honest. Watching her move, read, eat, sleep... It is fascinating beyond understanding. Her existence grounds me, exhilarates me, and absolutely stuns me every goddamn time I look at her. 

Just like now. I can't look away, even though I should. She's just so fascinating, the way her glasses gradually slip down her nose with each page she turns, her legs crossed on the lounge chair while she nervously bites her nails at every anxious passage of her book... It's mesmerizing. And as wrong as it is, I just can't stop myself from being drawn to her, like a moth to the light.

It's a fitting image, really. She is the light in the darkness, the brightest star in the night sky, illuminating my very being with her mere existence, while I'm this hideous insect, my existence being futile, to say the least.

"You know," she suddenly closes the book in her lap and takes off her glasses to look at me. "At first I thought damn, this stuff has to be made up. But the more I read about the Greek Gods, the more I realize that this is the type of nonsense no one could possibly could come up with on their own."

I can't help but chuckle, leaning back on the couch as I take a sip of coffee. 

"I mean, seriously? I don't even follow anymore on who impregnated who, and who ate which kid, and how many women Zeus slept with. Like really, that guy was the first playboy in the history of... Everything. It's ridiculous!" 

She lifts up her book and gently throws it on the couch table, a smile playing on her lips when she heaves a sigh. 

"And still, you're reading it." I nod towards the book on the table, that smile on her lips now broadening when she shrugs.

"What can I say? I'm an overzealous reader. Once I start with something I can't put it down until I got the whole story."

"I can see that in you." 

She smiles at my words before she grabs her mug from the mantelpiece and brings it to her lips. "I'm sure you do." Her lips move against the porcelain before she finally takes a sip, studying me intently until she speaks up again. "Are you ready for tomorrow?"

Definitely not. 

Mia arranged a meeting with a therapist for me. We've had another argument about that, too. I fucking yelled at her, and the second I did, I could tell that I hurt her. Not just by what I said, but by the way I said it, and that just made me realize that I have to get my fucking act together. I promised I'd try. If not for myself, then at least I owe it to her that I actually give it a shot.

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