Real Housewives of Transylvania

Dracula

My chest heaves with a heavy sigh as I awaken. My bones creak as I sit up in my coffin, I turn my neck from side to side, which is followed by a popping sound. My eyes automatically adjust and they flit around the stone room, bored. I hear a scuffling outside the door.

"It's my turn!" Daciana whines, her outburst is followed by a scratch and Elisabeta shrieks.

"You went yesterday!" She snarls in reply.

I roll my eyes and give an exasperated sigh.

"Girls stop." I command and they enter my chamber.

"Morning Honey." Daciana chirps and kisses my cheek.

Daciana was my first wife. When I met her she had a short, thin figure with masses of gold curls arranged on her head, tied with a black velvet bow. I first laid eyes on her one morning while paying a visit to her father's farm. She lounged by their pond with her feet gently kicking in the water. I was a new vampire and anxious to find a mate, even given the awkward situation regarding sex. I was hasty and carried her off without another thought and administered my three bites as soon as we returned to my castle. She was overjoyed at the prospect of marriage and sadly lived under the delusion that it would be a romantic life. Still, she lives to serve and is willing to do whatever I ask at a moments notice. But beauty and creativity aren't everything and shortly after we bonded I found her intellect limited and tired of her.

"Good morning." I yawn and stretch.

"Morning Sweetheart." Elisabeta purrs at my feet, she clutches my slippers. I lower my feet to the floor and she slips them on.

Elisabeta came about two hundred years after Daciana. This time when I searched for a mate I was less careless, I took time to find a young woman who was both beautiful and intelligent. My first memory of her takes place in the forest. I was on the run to my castle in the south and I had sent Daciana ahead to clear the way. I grew thirsty and stopped to find a human to drain, smelling one nearby I followed the scent. There I met Elisabeta. She had caramel colored hair that fell in gentle tendrils and a ferocity to her presence that presented me with a long awaited challenge. I was immediately taken with her, but being conscious of my actions I took my time and explained to her that though she was beautiful I had to kill her. She laughed and pointed a cleverly hidden homemade bow and arrow in my face. Convinced with her meager example of knowledge, I bit her there and carried her to the castle. I enjoyed her presence longer, but eventually I tired of her as well. I underestimated her knowledge however and have to constantly be on guard, lest she make another attempt on my life. But she puts on a happy face and plays wife, knowing that is what I want.

"Thank you." I say and stand.

"We got breakfast." Daciana giggles, sinking to my feet. She clutches my ankles and Elisabeta battles her for a better position. I yawn again and struggle to walk out of my chamber to the breakfast room.

I'm greeted by frantic whimpers from the couple that are tied and gagged on the table.

"Do they please you, my love?" Elisabeta asks.

"They'll do." I admit. I lick my lips and in the presence of flesh my fangs descend. The couples' eyes grow wide as I approach.

Not being in the mood to play I drain them quickly with swift bites to the jugular, followed by more efficient sucking on the wrists. My wives sit in the corner watching me anxiously, jumping at my every sound. I leave the lifeless bodies on the table for Daciana and Elisabeta to finish.

I still feel stiff so I shift into a bat and fly to the tower on the other side of the castle. Once there I spend a little time as a mist and then proceed back to human form. Well almost human. I gaze out the window and reminisce about years before when I was more inspired.

'Maybe I should get out more.' I consider and then groan realizing that my wives would insist on going.

And then I get a brilliant idea.

I need a new mate.