Entry 2- Her

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Entry 2-

July 25, 2015

Sometimes I feel my whole life

Has been one big rejection.

~Marilyn Monroe

It's been a week, Silent. One week since we moved here. And yet still I haven't spoken. My mom is starting to get pissed off at me but I can give less than 2 fucks. When I was getting used and thrown aside like a dirty rag she was quiet, didn't say or do anything, so why should I say anything now? Just because we move into a big house in a nice neighborhood and put on a fake ass smile, that doesn't mean everything is okay. It's not okay, Silent. It's not. I'm not okay. I'm still hurting, I still remember and I won't ever forget! I haven't heard my voice in a week. I believe I'm starting to forget how I sound. Is that crazy? Is this whole thing crazy? No. I'm not going to start doubting this now. I'm doing this for me. This is for me.

~Silence is Golden~

~My silent Diary


I returned my diary under my pillow and got out of bed. Today I planned on getting out of the house, I'm just going to walk around and see what the Neighborhood is like. Maybe I'll find a park or Lake or something where I can sit and think.

I went into the bathroom, doing my hygiene stuff and got dressed. I put on some shorts that stopped mid-thigh, a red tank top and my Jordan's, its hot in Florida. Ugh. I brushed my hair up into its usual messy bun and then jogged down stairs. My sister was sitting around the island eating Cereal, while my mom was making coffee.

"Good Morning Lor-Lor." Loura said to me, I shot her a half smile and walked into the kitchen.

"Are you going to eat breakfast?" My mom asked me, I said nothing.

"Dimmit Loren, when are you going to stop putting up this front huh? It's really getting old." she snapped. I grabbed one of Loura's Capri-Suns out the fridge and a muffin out of the gift basket which one of the neighbors gave us. Then I walked towards the front door.

"I'm talking to you!" My mom yelled after me, I opened the door and walked out eating my muffin.



It's been one week since I saw that girl or Loren. I have rode past her house every day and no one but Loura is ever out there, to my disappointment. I don't know why but her emotionless face has been stuck in my head since that day.

I turned on the sink and washed out my mouth and my tooth brush. I left out the bathroom and got dressed for the day, in some camo cargos and a white T-shirt, and black and white Nike hyper dunks. I grabbed my phone and jogged downstairs where I found my mom cooking breakfast.

"Good morning Ma." I greeted her, she smiled.

"You hungry hun?" She asked.

"Yeah. Thanks," I said as she set a plate with bacon, and pancakes on it. My mom sat next to me with her plate of bacon, eggs and pancakes. I poured syrup all over my plate.

"You're going to get diabetes with all that syrup." she said grabbing the bottle from me, I chuckled.

"And you're going to get the chicken pox eating them nasty ass eggs." I said laughing she playfully rolled her eyes.

"Whatever child." she said and began eating. So did I.

"Hey ma." I called her.

"Mh?" she hummed due to the food in her mouth.

"Do you know the people who moved in down the street?" I asked, she nodded and swallowed what she already had in her mouth.

"Elena and her daughters. I brought them a Muffin basket yesterday." She said.

"Where the hell was I when you did dat?" I asked.

"You left with Asia remember?" She said. Asia is my ridah, I love that girl, and she's been down with me since we were in first grade eating glue.

"Oh yeah..." I said.

"I didn't think you would have wanted to come anyway." she said.

"I mean, nah... well, I wanted to see Loren." I said.

"Loren? Umm... that's the oldest one. Do you like her?" My mom asked.

"Ma... I don't even know her." I said.

"You know her name though." she raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah but that don't mean nothing ma." I said getting up and putting my dishes in the sink.

"Thanks for the food ma," I kissed her cheek.

"No problem baby." she said.

"I'm going for a walk, I'll be back." I said.

"You not taking Oreo?" She asked.

"Nah, I'll walk her later." I said. She nodded and I left out. And began walking down the street yes towards Loren's house. Maybe I'll luck up and see her today. I pulled my phone out my back pocket due to it vibrating, I had got a message from Asia. Before I could open the message I walked right into someone and my phone fell. And the back and battery fell off.

"Shit. I'm sorry" I said bending down. The person I ran into bent down as well and helped me collect the parts to my phone before we stood up.

"Thank you," I said finally looking at the person. It was her. Loren. I found myself smiling, she just looked at me and then continued walking.

"No wait." I said grabbing her arm.

Wrong move Jas. Ugh! She looked at me like I was crazy before she yanked her hand away from me.

"I-I'm sorry, I" she shook her head and started walking away again. This time I refused to stop her.

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