The feeling between happy and broken

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Happy new year everyone!!

It went 3 days with no talking. It was now Thursday. Today was the day Lara wanted to tell Lucas how she felt. So in lunch, she went to him. I watched them, but I didn't hear what they said. Lara said something, and Lucas answered something that made her really sad. Then she went fast to the girl toilet, following was her "friends". Lucas talked to the guys, but they pushed him to say something or do something. He went to his seat, next to me. "What did you say to make her cry?" I asked still looking at my desk. "Did I make her cry? Ops. Well, she asked me out, but too bad I am gay," and as he said that, I broke inside. To be honest, I liked him better than Ethan. I thought he was different, but he wasn't. I was happy that he didn't want her, but I was so broken. Gay? I felt him staring at me. "Is there something wrong?" he asked. I was quiet a little bit as I always am, and shook my head for a no. "Why don't you eat?" I felt the question burning inside of me. "I am not hungry. Anyway, there is no food I like. It won't hurt me if I am skipping one meal. I don't need it. I should go a little down in weight," I answered. He looked surprised. "Why? You're not fat. I think you should eat even more!" he was shocked. I can't understand why. "You know what? Maybe I am skinny, but I am not skinny enough. I want to feel pretty, and I won't achieve that unless you can see my ribs and my thighs are as skinny as sticks. So please, stop fucking care so much. You don't even care, you are only polite!" I shouted in his face, standing up. I went to the bathroom as a normal fucking girl. It just pisses me off. And now he is standing there with a lot of questions and maybe he figured out that I have a crush on him. Well fuck me then. I looked in the mirror. Why would anyone like this? No one does. No one will. And the one person who I like, is gay. Fucking awesome. I was alone on the bathroom, Lara went out some mins ago. Actually kinda great. I didn't want to sit next to him now. Maybe I should go home? I don't know. No. I should go back. And so I did.
No one cared that I went inside again. Lucas was talking to the other guys. His friends. For some days, I thought I was one of his friends. Obviously I wasn't. I sat down at my seat. Nice timing, since the class is almost starting. Everyone went to their seats when the teacher came in. Lucas didn't look at me once in the whole class. But after a nice hour of math, he turned to me. "Stop complaining about your life. No one cares. You just do it for attention, but no one will ever care. So stop. You feel so sorry about yourself? Try to be gay in a homophobic family!" It shocked me. It did piss me off even more.
"Try to have a family not caring about you! Hitting you once in a while, and then have an eating disorder, and depression, having no friends, gets bullied, and tries so hard you can to fit in, but everyone is afraid of you!" I could see the anger in his eyes.
"So you think my life is fucking perfect?" He shouted. "I have never said that," he looked furious. Some people was listening to our conversation.
"Well, I am so sorry I am gay. It's too bad you like me," he said calm.
"Why do you think everyone loves you? You are such an asshole, I can't believe you have friends!" I said back.
"You are my friend!"
"Why would I wanted that?"
Then everyone was quiet. He took the neck of my shirt and pulled me down on the floor. I tried to get up, but some of his friends hold me with a tight grip. He kicked me several times in the stomach, but I forced myself up, being much stronger than his friends. I looked him straight in the eye and the punched him as hard as I could in his face. He cringed down in pain, and I kicked him in the leg. He tried to punch me back, as I kicked him in the nuts. Some of the guys was shouting "fight fight fight!" until a teacher came in to start a class. We were still fighting, but he tried to split us up. An assistant made us go out of the classroom. We we're calm now, almost. She tired to understand why this happened. We had to go down at the office and all that stuff. When we could go back to the classroom, I didn't. I went home. The last thing I would was to sit next to him the next of the day. My gay crush beat me up today. Just another nice day of hell. I mean.. school... Yeah, school..

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