My Story As A Fangirl

Why does it hurt so much?

Fuck rock bottom.

Do you ever feel like the thing you love is so far away but in reality your mind make it as if there right there with you, for every step of the way. You do this cause THEY mean so much to you, me. You got to keep them close, or else your afraid they will slowly slip away and you will be left alone in the dark of the Rocky bottom you have hit. You need them to to be your light cause you don't trust anyone else but them to light the area you have fallen in.

What fucking sucks even more is that there's not just one you want.......no wait.... Need to light so you can see not perfect but just enough. You have to light it yourself. You have to lead yourself out of there. But you can't find your way out alone. You can't pick up your shards yourself you need help.

But when the person you hit so hard for is one of the four you want to light the way. The other 3 is his band mates. That you have grown love. But them in a friendly way.
But what's on fair is that you, me put all our trust and faith in there hands. You tell them everything if you could. Hint could.

But you can't cause they don't know you exist! To them you could be just a follower on there social medias. But we say there our lights to our darkness when they don't even know they are is when it all kicks in and you hold on to the smallest little things of them and it's all behind a screen. You don't even know if there real or if it's all fake what's on that screen about them. You go along with it cause you don't have anything else of there's to hold on too.

We put our lives in there hands. That's a fan girl thing. We live to see there bright eyes, there smile. But most importantly them. Weather it's on a screen or in person. To see them okay and just them. Not just there face but there figure too. Sounds stupid but it's true. But only to the special fan girls the ones who truly love them, we like to see the small things like there eyes but not some over edited picture and simple picture/video that you can see in there eyes. And there messy hair. But my truly favourite........there flaws.

The things they hate and dislike about themselves. Like pimples or there dimples ,there chest. It's those flaws to the true fans that make them perfect in our eyes. That means there not perfect for everyone else! Cause in the end it only matters to certain person.......there soulmate. Cause she will be the one to love very single inch of them.

We as fan girls are like that. We have no else in out lives who we love so much to tell out problems too. They make us feel different. In a good way. We stop cutting or live everyday for them and they don't even know it.

They are angels without wings.

They turn my life upside down for the good....

You don't realize how much you love someone tell you sit alone almost every day with them on your mind. They will always be in my mind forever. People say what they want but there all wrong. They don't know how fucking deep you are in with them. Hell I haven't even met them. I don't know what there like up close. If they are what I dream about or there completely different.

Will I ever get to meet them? Will I ever get to tell them how much they mean to me?

But if I do, will they understand what I am saying?! Will they hear the meaning ness in my voice? On how much I love them? Or will they think it's just like a I like your music and your bands cool so I love you? You know the I love you, you tell every body with no big meaning you say it willing! Will they know I am alive because of them? Will they ever know? They may say it back but not the way you want to hear it.

That I love you will never be just for you there are millions of others they said it too. It fucking hurts knowing that. My life is them. Without them I be what?! But they will never understand the life of a 'fan girl'.

That word 'fan girl', I hate it. It's a name where given cause that's what we are. But what's a word for those who are more than a fan girl? The ones who puts there heart and sole into making there lives perfect and giving them what they always wanted the ones who will not mob, who will cry for them, the ones who love them a little to much, the ones who get heart broken cause the love they feel is stupid. Because that's what there told, "it's just a faze we all go through them" that's what is said and it replays in our minds that it effects our daily lives knowing that it could be true.

Life gets so bad you have trouble focusing on anything cause your so worried about them when they haven't tweeted or you don't hear from them. You can just think about them for hours.

They effect your life all you want to do is stay inside all day thinking,reading, watching or whatever about them.
You can't go a day without them.

Why you ask?!

Because you fallen for them bad. So deep you can't get out. But you don't want too. You know that one day will come when they find there love of there life and it's not you. All you do is watch. The same thing you done for many many years behind a screen . And it hurts like hell but you will never give up on them. They saved you alone with a lot of others too. You will support then through everything through your title name they give you.............a fan girl. A name you will always be known as.

(Hey guys! Happy New Years! How you liking this so far? I know there may be spelling mistakes and LOTS of grammar mistakes. I know each part is not very long but I only can ramble on about a topic for so long! I only write when I think of something good to write about. So there's not a certain time when I will update. But will try my hardest to update at least once a week! Sometimes maybe twice a week. I am still in school and I have other things I have to do so I won't have much time to write. So let me know what you think so far! I know this doesn't follow a storyline but it's all linked. If you read all this let me know by commenting.......bubbles!!!)