CAN DIVIT CHRONICLES

IF YOU LOVE ME, DON'T LET GO || 20

As we approached the hospital, an uneasy, unsettled feeling nagged at me. I had no idea what to expect or why I was feeling this way, there was just something off looming in the atmosphere. Without saying anything at first, Can squeezed my hand as the car came to a rest in front of the hospital breaking my trance. He cut the engine and looked over at me.

A confused look must have etched my features. "Aren't you coming inside?"

"I thought you might need a few minutes with your family before I join you. Don't worry, I'm just going to park the car. I'll be just a few steps behind you, I promise," he urged.

"Ok, but don't be too long, alright? Need you by my side."

"I'm here sweetheart. Not going anywhere, I promise," he said, kissing my face, the soft corner of my temple, and my lips.

Noticing Leyla and Emre approaching the building. I caught Leyla's glance. I raised my hand and waved but she frowned and looked the other way and didn't even acknowledge us. My gaze went back to Can. He saw them as clearly as I did but neither of us said anything.

I made my way to the nurse's station in the ER and after a few minutes was directed to the room where my father was waiting for some test results according to the charge nurse. When I entered the cold and dreary room and saw my father hooked up to what seemed like a thousand machines I heard myself let out the most wretched wail. I sat down slowly and took his clammy hand into my own. "Hi daddy, it's me. Sanem," I said,  sounding scared yet trying to sound hopeful at the same time. I heard the door swing open to the sound of hushed voices behind the curtain and a few seconds later Leyla and my mother appeared. When I saw my mother all I wanted was to run to her and wrap my arms around her. My heart sank seeing the bad shape she was in. The woman I had known to be vibrant and warm now looked feeble and her eyes were drooping from lack of sleep and she was giving me the coldest glare. "Anne?"

"Why are you here, Sanem? What nerve you have after all this time."

"Mom, don't say that...you don't mean that. I came to see daddy. Mom, I--"

"I don't really care to hear your excuses, girl. Don't you understand?" She asked, sounding exasperated.

"Understand what, Anne?"

"You're the reason we're here! You're the reason your father got so upset that his heart gave out!"

"Mom, no, don't say that," I was crying in broken whispers.

"It's true. The news that you...that you married that man almost killed him. Just tell me one thing.  Is it true or not? Did you really shame us in this way?" She grabbed my hand and looked at my wedding ring. She stared at it like it was a snake that was going to bite her head off.

"Ma, it's true, but let me explain--"

" No explanation needed," she said. "I don't think you should stay here," she said, cutting me off and pushing my hand away. "I want you to go. I don't want you here when he wakes ups. You're just going to make everything worse!"

I gasped at words that stung like a thousand bees. "Mom, please...I want to be here," I said, tearing my gaze from her and looking at my dad looking sick and helpless in that bed. I couldn't breathe and the room felt like it was closing in on me. My mother continued speaking and she was yelling now but I couldn't hear past the rushing sound in my ears. Blinking away the tears in my eyes, I moved past her and reached for the door.

"Anne, I'm sorry...I'm sorry, I just...I know you don't understand but I had to go. I felt so stifled here..."

You broke your father's heart!" She started yelling at the top of her lungs, said things a mother should never say to her child. I was so devastated, my throat atrophied and I couldn't say anything.