A Freak A Vent

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It hurts to have a family member make fun of you for a serious problem you have. They don't understand the severity of your problem do they.

Your sitting upstairs trying to get the game controller to work. You just can't so you call for your mom or dad to see if they can. No one answers. You hear the words "I hear her screaming, but I can't help her I have problems of my own." You don't mean to burden others. You just want help. You here your brother say "God, she has anger issues." When all you want is help. You hear your mom reply "I know right." Your stunned, what! How could she say that? It's a serious problem you have that your really sensitive about. You don't share your emotions with others much, so no one knows about how it really hurts to have someone call you that. You can't hold the tears back so you run to the bathroom. Your the only one upstairs. Your brothers still mad about how you got to play your game instead of his so he's a little snarky and mean. Your mom asked where you are. After awhile you hear nothing. Your just sitting hear crying. You've been emotional all day and have managed to hold it back, but you finally just break and start balling. Trying to be silent so no one can hear. Your dad doesn't get the emotional stuff and is really hard. He doesn't take into consideration how you felt. Your mom tries to make everyone happy so she isn't much help when your brother makes a snide comment that doesn't seem mean, but it just breaks you inside. You just, just can't take it anymore. You sit in the bathroom, you never want to come out. You text your friend, the only one that can really help calm you down. They don't reply. You feel so alone. You need help and you know it. Your just to stubborn to admit it. The countless silent tears the last month mess with your stomach. A silent sob in the night, a sudden dismal during class that you have to take just to calm down.

I wake up in a gasp. I remember a few nights ago. After all these years I've thought I've been lost. I finally feel free.

A few days ago I broke. I cried, I vented. I didn't even know what I said, but whatever o said, I feel hundred times better. I feel like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

I confessed some stuff that my subconscious has only recently discovered. I knew I was broken, but when I started just rambling,I realize I have a problem.

That long ramble up there a bit. I wrote that before I totally broke. I look back through that and I realized two things: I act a lot stronger then I am. People get to know me by that. I have a problem, a serious problem.

Once I broke, I feel like my act of being strong broke. My shield broke. My shield is gone know, and I feel so much better. I can finally be the me that's been gone for so long. I've finally figured it out. To finally feel free you have to break. I have to break to heal properly.

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