The Wish From Heaven | ✓

chapter 42 : flames of desire

28 July; Sunday

"No, please come to school tomorrow," I insist.

Edgar scratches the back of his head. The bandages from his wrists have been taken off, but the ones on his cheek and neck remain. There are more on his body, as I heard. "I don't know, man."

"But they'll never dare to even look at you in the eye again. What's the problem?"

"The problem is that I have a feeling everyone figured out the whole prank thing was related to me, since it happened so soon after I came out."

I wouldn't deny that as a possibility. "So what? It's not like people are gonna come over to you and ask about it."

"Well, what if they do?"

"Then just give them the answer they want. People will forget about it soon."

He clicks his tongue. "Still."

"Oh, come on, Evren."

His head jerks to me. "Hey, don't call me that, you goat."

"Why not? It's a nice name. Is it designated for a special someone?"

He frowns at me, then turns back to the book on his lap - the book I got him. "There are too many bad memories related to this name. Evren was a different person, the one who went back and forth between being a girl and a boy, the one who got beaten by 10 year olds, the one who rejected the girl he loves. Edgar is a different person, a more hopeful person, and has nothing to do with Evren."

I give it some thought. Then I say, "You're looking at it the wrong way. Evren and Edgar are both you, that's a fact. Evren suffered more than Edgar, perhaps, but that doesn't mean Evren is not important in your life. Evren is the reason you are who you are today. Whether it's our good memories or bad ones, both of them shape us into the person we become, and both are equally important. So don't push Evren away."

He remains silent. He closes the book and keeps it beside him. Then he crosses his arms and stares into space for a while before he says, "Back then, Lexi used to be the only one to call me Evren."

"Ah, I guessed it right," I joke, but he probably doesn't hear it.

"I used to call her something else too. Not Lexi, not Alex, not Alexandra. Something else only I called her. It was our little thing, you know? Stupid, but that's kinda how middle school romance is."

He scoffs. "But then she confessed to me on the last year - 8th grade - and I refused her in like, five seconds, just like you did. She just ran away crying, because she was so sure I liked her too. And I did, dammit– I did. But from then on, I started calling her Lexi like the bastard I am. The first time she heard it from my mouth, she gave me this really hurt expression. I wanted to kill myself. And then she started calling me Edgar too. So you can imagine how it was."

"So that's how it is." Makes sense why he got so mad at me for rejecting Alex so quickly.

"Yeah." He lets out a dry laugh. "And now she likes you. It's good in a way. When you love someone, you do everything for them. Probably because there aren't a lot of people you love. You even overcome all the things you're afraid of. That's not something I can do. She deserves it. So I kinda want you to consider it. Unless you have someone else you like, that is."