(21) Broken Angel

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When someone is upset or hurt, most people offer their condolences and let the person know that they have experienced the same thing, like when you fall over as a child, people know exactly what to do and say. You put a plaster on the wound and tell them that the pain will subside and that they will be fine in an hour or so. Or when someone splits up from their partner, friends and family say they understand their heartache but that there are plenty more fish in the sea. Even when another person has had the terrible feeling of losing someone, people understand bereavement and the grieving process around it.

No such thing could be said for me. No one knew what I felt like, no one I knew had ever had a miscarriage. No one even tried to empathise with me and for that I was grateful. I didn't want anyone telling me they 'understand'. They didn't. There wasn't even words to describe the pain I felt every minute of the day.

Forms were filled out and others were left. A birth certificate lay untouched next to my baby boy but a death certificate was scrawled on with shaky deep black lines, like spiders crawling over the page. The words were written for a person who had not had the chance to experience anything of the world; a still born.

Me and Angelo were cut off from the world, lying in my bed day after day, only getting up if necessary. We barely spoke to one another, just lay and slept and occasionally cried. We were living in a cocoon, a nest of comfort where we didn't have to face the rest of the world, the faces smothered with pity, the eyes that gazed a little too long; we got away from it all.

On the afternoon of a day I do not remember (Angelo and I had lost all track of time altogether), there was a knock at the door. Knowing it might be something important, I left the comfort of my bedsheets and went to open the door. I put on my slippers and tied back my hair before trudging to the door. I undid the locks and opened it, to find my sisters smiling at me. I was surprised to see them here because I thought they had gone back to their universities but there they were, as real as anything.

"Wow you look awful." Estelle said.

I summoned up the best smile I could and asked them what they wanted.

"We were just wondering if we could come in for a coffee?" Alice asked with a sympathetic smile. I didn't want anyone to sympathise, it brought the pain even closer.

I looked down at the ground, scanning my feet as if they were the most interesting artefact in the world and shook my head.

"Now isn't the best time." I said sadly.

Estelle suddenly barged passed me. "Its never the right time for you!" She half - shouted.

I looked up, astonished. When had my sister become so stubborn?

"Estelle..." Alice said, awkwardly shaking her head and mouthed 'shut up!'.

"No. Look, you and Angelo have been lying in bed for what? 3 months now? Ok I can't say that I know what you're going through but I understand its bloody horrible. But that's an awful way to grieve. You need to move on! Your baby isn't coming back and you need to live your own life now!"

"Estelle!" Alice shouted, her eyes wide with shock.

I looked at my youngest sister and narrowed my eyes. "You don't understand. You've never lost a child have you!" I shouted.

Angelo walked from the bedroom looking sad, weary. "What's going on?" He asked no one in particular.

"Estelle thinks we should just forget our baby." I growled.

"That's not what she meant." Alice chipped in. "She's saying, you can't let something like this stop you from living your life." She said, looking from me to Angelo and then to Estelle, who was nodding her head.

Angelo looked at me with sad eyes and sighed. "I think they're right."

I gasped as I looked into the eyes of a traitor. "Ok, we will just forget that I slaved over my pregnancy, that I did it pretty much alone only to lose the child. Let's just forget that my heart has been ripped out. Good, glad that's sorted!" I shouted and stormed off, slamming the door when I reached my bedroom.

Only when I was in the familiarity of my bedroom; my safe place, did I let out the breath I had been holding. I slid down the wooden door and put my head in my hands and cried yet another time.

Outside, Angelo said some words to my sisters and then there was a knock at my door.

"Grace, we're leaving now. We hope you are alright. Call us if you want anything." Alice said sadly before walking away.

The front door opened and closed and then there was another knock on my bedroom door.

"Grace, please let me in?" Angelo said quietly.

I didn't reply and he spoke again.

"We have both found this tough. You don't think that a guy with the job saving millions of lives isn't heartbroken that he couldn't save his own son? What use am I now?" Angelo's voice grew shaky. "We haven't spoken about things and we should have done. We shouldn't keep things bottled up. I need you Grace, you are the only one who can feel my pain right now." Angelo broke off at the end and I felt my own tears stinging my face.

I slowly got up and opened the door. Angelo was standing before me with crystal tears running down his cheeks and I looked up at him with my own tear-stained cheeks.

"Oh Grace." He whispered before leaning in to me and kissing me fully on the lips.

I broke down completely then. Angelo's arms were there to steady me when I stumbled into him and he took me to the bed.

"I just want to make things right." He said, brushing a strand of hair from my face.

We kissed again and suddenly things felt a tiny bit better. I leant in and our kissing became addictive. I didn't want to let him go, let his lips leave mine and so I didn't. Our kisses became more desperate, almost like we wanted to consume each others pain, kiss the other better. Then Angelo pulled me tighter to him, his hands running up and down my body, caressing me. I did the same to him and soon we found ourselves naked.

Angelo kissed me from my lips, down to the base of my neck and then lower, his lips exploring my body as if to understand me better and I did the same for him. His body was holy indeed, everything about him was perfect but not in a genetic, uncomfortable way. His face was so interesting and beautiful that any artist would want to paint him. He had a character about him that I had not seen in anyone else. He was completely unique. But I did feel a connection to him. I felt attached and so did he.

We made love that evening and I was lost between wanting to declare my love for him to the whole world and to cry for being so naïve as to fall into potentially exactly the same mess as before. Angelo wasn't a stable lover. He came and he went. That wasn't good enough for me. I wanted more.



Another month went by and although Grace and I still rarely left the house, we slept together every night. We were much happier too. We would find ways to make each other laugh when we saw that the other person was feeling down. Grace often just stared at things without realising. She went off to space and I had to bring her to the real world.

"When we first slept together, were there any changes in the connection?" Grace asked randomly one day as we were cooking.

I sat down with her and gazed into her eyes, a smile playing on my lips.

"I think so. Afterwards I could sense your danger much more easily and I could watch over you when I wished."

Grace seemed to ponder over this then she tilted her head and looked up at me, tracing the edge of her mug with her index finger.

"Can you read my mind?" She asked softly, her eyes watching mine.

I shook my head. "Its really against human rights so we are not given that gift. Arcanxo has the power to read minds but he rarely does. He can understand the mindset of any being without using powers. He had to train for many years to understand the minds of different creatures."

Grace's eyes widened as she took in the information.

"I can read your emotions though." I smiled.

She propped her head on her hand and looked down at her half empty mug of coffee. "So you know that I'm happy for example, but you might not know the reason why?" She asked, bringing her mug to her lips and taking a sip.

I nodded. "Exactly. Like now I know you are sad but a bit hopeful and even a tiny bit happy. There's a load of confusion going on in there too."

Grace laughed a small, sweet laugh. "Sounds about right."

That night we cooked and drank wine then later we slept together again. It was sweet and sensual. I took in every bit of her, claiming her as mine. And that's just it, I didn't want her to be anyone else's but mine.



"Come on." He whispered, holding onto my waist. "I want to show you something."

Angelo took my hand and kissed it and then suddenly held onto me and flew up into the night sky. I held onto him for dear life, my wavy brown hair whipping around my shoulders. We flew for under 10 minutes and landed in a very different scene. Paris.

"Its amazing isn't it?" Angelo smiled as I stared at my surroundings, too amazed to speak. It was night time and everything was lit up beautifully. Bright lights shone from the eiffel tower and seemingly lit up the whole of paris in amazing, delicate light. We walked away from the hustle and bustle of the main shopping area, past the man playing the accordion, past the restaurants where a couple were choosing between the lobster and the chicken. We went to a deserted bridge, lit up with small glass lamps at the side.

"This is like a dream." I spoke to myself mainly.

Angelo took my hands in his. "It is your dream."

I looked at him with a questioning stare.

"Whilst you fall asleep, sometimes I stayed up to listen to you speak. You often said you'd wanted to visit paris."

I widened my eyes then smiled. "Thanks." I said before bringing my lips to his. They tingled at his touch and electricity ran through my body. Every kiss felt like our first.

"Maybe this is also a good place to tell you something important." I said nervously, making sure I kept my eyes locked on his. I didn't want him to confuse nervousness with doubt. "For a long time now, I've been in love with... A guy and he has made it impossible for me to function -"


"No, listen. I have worked hard for him, put my life in his hands, trusted him with every inch of my life. I know he will think I'm foolish but he means the world to me. I don't care if he breaks my heart, I will never love another person, ever. But I need to know now whether I should keep hoping thing might change or whether I am just living a fantasy. I need to know if this guy is real."

"Grace, you know I can't - this isn't fair!"

"And why can't you? Because you'll be ugly? Do you think I give a damn how you look?" I shouted, my hands making fists.

"I need to go." He said quietly, unfolding his huge white wings. They unfolded elegantly, stretching to their full width.

"That's it, go. Run away from your problems." I managed, trying desperately not to cling onto him and cry. I didn't want to look desperate. I wanted the upper hand.

"I'm sorry." He whispered in a hoarse voice and he took off.

He lifted and as he rose, he looked down at me with tear splattered cheeks. I grabbed onto his leg just as he left.

"Get off!" He shouted, struggling with me and trying to fly at the same time.

"Not until this is settled. If you honestly don't love me and don't want to be with me then tell me now."

"Its not that -"

"Fine, as you won't give me a straight answer, I'm going to drop myself. Don't save me please this time. If I do survive, I never want to see you again. If I do get to heaven, same is to be said."

"What? No!" Angelo shouted.

"Thank you for the time together. Now we need to part ways."

"I love you!" Angelo shouted, so loud, I almost let go.

Then something strange happened. Angelo began to tremble, hard.

"I don't want you to tell me that out of pity." I said.

But Angelo wasn't listening. His eyes squeezed shut and he was trembling and his body was jerking different ways. I watched his face intently, scared. All of a sudden, before I could speak, we were plummeting towards the sea. I gripped Angelo's leg with all my strength. Surely he would snap out of it and fly in a millisecond.

However, that did not happen. We broke the surface of the ice cold water and it hit my body like a thousand daggers. I went numb but managed to swim to the surface again.

"Angelo?" I shouted.

"Angelo!" I shouted a second time.

I looked towards the sky but I couldn't see him. I swam underwater but he wasn't there either.

"Angelo!" I cried for the third time, my arms slashing the water as I made my way to the bank.

I heaved myself up, panting and shaking. I was scared and tired and freezing cold. I looked towards the water and there was a strange glow coming from beneath the surface. Wondering what it was, I scrambled to my knees, dirt sticking to my body as I moved. The glow was tinted a green-blue colour from the water and it was a perfect circle that shaded out gently. It slowly got smaller and smaller until I was left in darkness, the only light being from the cafeterias across the other side of the river.

"Grace." A voice croaked from nearby, followed by splutters and chokes.

I head the voice and it made me jump and my head snapped towards Angelo.

"Your alive!" I shouted with pure relief, running towards him and falling into his arms.

"And I'm human." He said quietly.

I looked at him, shocked. Examining him, I could find no change in his appearance at all.

"Wings." He said, almost sounding sad.

I looked at his bare back and saw two giant burn marks, tattooed onto his skin. The skin looked taut and sore so I didn't touch the marks. Instead, I looked into his eyes.

"Angelo, what happened?" I asked, concerned and very, very confused.

"Well I told you I loved you and because I meant it, it turned me back into a human... Guess its like unfinished business or something..." He trailed off. "If you think I'm ugly and you're not in love anymore, I fully understand." He said, scanning his hands as if they were new too.

I put my hands in his and tilted his head upwards. "Nothing could make me stop loving you." I whispered.

Angelo shyly leant in and I kissed him fully on the lips. We kissed for a long time, the cold wind brushing past us, leaving us in peace. Angelo's body was hot, much more human heat than his normal body temperature, which adjusted to mine to keep me warm.

"You are beautiful." I said quietly.

Angelo looked at me with his large grey eyes, framed with thick lashes that gave him an adorable puppy dog look. His hair was just past his ears and stuck to his face from the wet. He hadn't changed an inch.

He shook his head a little, laughing sadly. "I have horrible bruises on my back and I feel weak. Who will want me now? You deserve better Grace. I'm so ugly."

I closed my eyes and pushed my nose against his. "I love you, you are gorgeous and I'm so glad that you told me you loved me. Its the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me, ever."

Angelo smiled then and pulled me to his chest, stroking my cheek with his thumb. "I'm so glad you love me. I was scared you might be disgusted when you saw me." He said, kissing my forehead.

I sunk into his chest and sighed. "I'd never think that of you. Has it happened before?" I asked quietly.

"Yes, many times." He said with a sigh. "A few of my friends were made human the same way. They fall in love with someone that supposedly loves them and then they tell them, change and their lovers are so disgusted, they run away as far as possible.

"I don't understand. You look exactly the same!" I exclaimed, getting up to look at him better, see if maybe something weird had grown out of his face. It hadn't.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." He smirked.

"But you are like 99 percent the same looking, all that's changed are your wings and your eye colour changes maybe."

Angelo nodded and thought about it. "I think that if you are not truly loved back, turning hideous is something like a punishment for trusting the human race so easily, giving up gold for silver, heaven for earth. Its like, no one else sees a difference but the supposed lover sees something that is scary about their angel. Or they just don't like the idea that they aren't as indestructible and can't fly everywhere."

I reached out and stroked a strand of hair to the side of Angelo's head. "That's silly. I'm so in love with you. All that's annoying is that we can't get back home in like 2 minutes." I giggled.

"I love you too." He smiled and we kissed again. "I guess I just feel ugly and useless without my wings." He said.

"Do you miss them?" I asked, hoping he would rather a life with me than without me.

"Not really actually. They were a right pain. I'll maybe miss helping people 24/7 but its worth it to have you."

Angelo and I walked around for a while, looking for a place to stay. Luckily he had masses of money so cost wasn't an issue.
"Do you still have powers?" I asked, quite interested in his response.

"Kind of." He answered sheepishly. "I think I'm still connected to you in some way." He smiled. "And my vision is still enhanced as well as my speed and my ability to read people. Oh, and my strength." He grinned, showing off his muscles jokingly.

We found a small hotel that looked quite nice so we went in and Angelo paid for the night there. We made our way upstairs and the first thing we did was have a shower because we looked as though we had rolled around in mud (which was actually half-true.).

After a hot shower together, just holding and cleaning one another, we stepped out onto the shower mat and wrapped our bodies in two large towels, shivering at the warmth of the material on our skin.
We both walked to our huge double bed and collapsed on top of it. We stared up at the bright bedroom lights glaring down on us and slowly linked fingers then turned and kissed one another.

"I'm tired." I said softly, my eyelids closing a little.

"Me too. Here, let's go to sleep." He smiled, kissing me gently and bringing out the spare nightclothes the hotel provided in the wardrobe.

We didn't even bother drying our hair and just laid down on the bed and pulled the covers over us. Angelo pulled my body towards his and I leant my head on the crook of his neck and together, we fell asleep . *** Thank you everyone for reading! I hope you liked it!Im really sorry but Ive decided I want at least 5 votes to carry this on because the votes arent flowing as easily as at the start - and it should be the other way round!The transaction scene was influenced by the French film 'ANGEL-A' and is very similar although I changed parts. Please vote, comment and fan me! Thanks a lot!Clare x

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