How things begin.

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Unbelievable Truths

(This is yet UNedited yet by the day. Then it will be ....so I can keep it published or unpublish it and re-publish it when it is edited)
Who I am

in many ways it's easier to believe what justifies your actions or inactions your retaliatory, unethical or immoral intentions. So far to speak the truth has seems almost condemned always met with some punitive and whether by being pulled over and an innocuous message been given or some thing deliberately withheld in a passive aggressive manner that can't be directly linked to what I stated but given the repetition in my knowing of a pattern after a decade of it I know when I'm being acted upon failed or not. It is as though to speak the truth is some aberrant behavior when their lies spread like a virus and snuffed outs ability to receive what I needed to heal. Justice and compassion. Impossible to receive when no one believes you and those that do? Allege it's not true. Had I been heard, I would not be disabled. This doesn't mean I blame them, it just means that if i had been left be? I would have been find despite all those whose accountability lose, would love to avidly contest that. Perhaps God doesn't grant such the gift of knowing to trust that knowing to those who are only abuse these gifts. That's for the best. Perhaps they are only given to those who must get through horrific of circumstances, perhaps God sees fit to make an example of the person, making them appear from the outside far different than how they are and feel so. they in such a way, are crucified, unknown in a new town away from those who watched them grow. I feel that example though I'm beyond far from the perfection of Christ, my unable to forgive with seemingly no Medforr' however what I DID LEARN ? Was why punished not the sadistic strangers who beat him raw until deadX by those who had been his disciples, his ''friends'. For the same reason he repeated God forgive them they know not what they do, while those that do wrong or immoral and Do (know better)? It is far less forgivable to know better and act immorally than to do so out of ignorance or a leaner intellect

 For the same reason he repeated God forgive them they know not what they do, while those that do wrong or immoral and Do (know better)? It is far less forgivable to know better and act immorally than to do so out of ignorance or a leaner intellect

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I am as you. First genetically 99.9% the same as the rest of the population the blood the rest of us an on the molars circumstance of bringing additionally other genetic and variable factors but again that only makes it 01% of our supposed diversity. The actuality of Romain we are One wanted to say have the same needs wants primary desires and drives. The difference is in how we learn in our conditioned and genetically influence to react and respond to certain environmental factors and stressors. And whether certain things are perceived as stressors or not.
I Am a product of my blood upbringing and experiences and experiences integrated at first subjectively and then further distance more objectively. In other words I am more able to respond to what happened in my past them react to it just disabling emotional connectives, that when once disrupted or threatened and lack of adequate social support system can bring up a variety of behavioral disturbances. With adequate social support I do not care what others think and I never have and I say that as someone with autism who was literally not directly clued in with the desire to connect to others more than what I was interested in, end it took a lot of experimentation and years to finally find out what that is. To know what the senses alone can not tell us.
I have a voracious curiosity, knowing always there was a reason why behind something and behind that another why my favorite question as a child of course then being WHY to even every answer given. I can only imagine the degree of annoyance
How does one begin to tell a story of what they are not allowed to tell. When I say allowed, I mean to tell a story in so far as there is no punishment for it. Whether by the legal entities or those whose interventions and collaborations have already caused much grief. Short of the actuality being told, I'll only be known as a false version of myself. A shadow of the truth of who I actually am. Not recalled because i am forever questioned or known in athe future as otherwise.

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