Spray Painted Bananas

Chapter 11

I only get half a seat to work as the woman beside me has huge jelly buttocks which spill into my territory and tremble with every vibration of the bus. Still, it’s better than having an elbow in my face, which was the alternative. I dig out my mobile and text Farrell. I’ve decided that if he can’t face saying ‘no’ to Bibiana then I’ll break it to her myself. My parents live just outside London but it’s an easy distance on the train and I know they’ll be happy to put her up for a few weeks. They have a guest room where she’ll be so much more comfortable. Sharing with a boy is always a bit awkward; you end up doing that backpacker thing of putting your bra on after your t-shirt because there’s no lock on the door.

After I send the text message I find myself scrolling through my list of contacts until I hit Elliot Frinton-Smith. I’ve put in his surname even though there are no other Elliotts in my life, only a couple of Ellie’s who I never ring because I don’t know which one is which, and one of them I really can’t stand.

Last night I left the gallery so abruptly as if at any moment my dress was going to turn to rags and my non-existent car turn into a pumpkin. In my drunken state I thought I’d done a good thing, showing I was unpredictable and hard to get. But now I think I just acted like I wasn’t that into him. He hasn’t text me since so maybe he’s the one who isn’t interested.

As I’m staring at my phone composing messages in my head, it vibrates in my hand and emits a gentle woodpecker taptap. Immediately my stomach tightens with anticipation. I want it so much to be Elliott.

Are you serious Amber? I finally get a hot lady sleeping in my bed and you want me to send her to your Mam’s?!

It takes me a second to realise the message is from Farrell, not Elliott. I’m slightly taken aback at first and then I smile, because I can imagine his cheeky grin when he wrote it. He’s probably with her now. I text him hurriedly back as my bus pulls up to my stop.

FINALLY - You said it! To be honest I thought you weren’t into the ladies.

I’m fifteen minutes late already and as soon as I’m off the bus I start to run. My phone vibrates and I can’t resist slowing down to take a peek.

You know me, I’m a romantic writer. I was just waiting for the right one.

The problem with text messages is you can’t always be completely sure of the tone. I’m assuming Farrell is being sarcastic, but I don’t think he’s done a perfect job of transmitting it. If he’d added a winky face then I’d know for sure. I mean, he could actually be smitten. Egg already is, apparently.

Farrell and Bibiana... in all the years I’ve been friends with Farrell I’ve only seen him with two girlfriends. There was Jenny, with her angelic smile and soft little voice, so soft I had to ask her to repeat everything she said. She was loving, so loving in fact that it turned out she was a serial cheater. He found out through photos on Facebook which is bad enough, but the worse thing is he didn’t even get the pleasure of dumping her because she dumped him first. The other girl was called Rebecca James. I think she was probably the perfect girl for him. But she moved to Sydney. If there’s one country in the world that can’t be included in the Distance Relationship Agreement, it’s Australia. It's just one step too far.