Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 4 Episode 70: Sneaking In

Fade in to the Blue guys guarding the temple base thingy that Tex is supposed to attack

Blue Guy 1: Hey Reds! We're guarding the shit outta this wall, you suck!

God dammit, it's the Battle Creek guys... oh well, you all knew it was coming sooner or later

Red Guy: Your wall's easy to guard, try ours!

Blue Guy 2: You don't even have a roof up there, you suck. What're you guarding it from, birds?

Red Guy: You suck.

Blue Guy 2: You suck.

Blue Guy 1: You suck.

Red Guy: You suck.

Blue Guy 1: You suck.

Blue Guy 2: You suck.

Blue Guy 1: You suck.

Red Guy: You suck.

Blue Guy 2: No you do!

Red Guy: We suck. No you suck.

Blue Guy 1: Okay never mind.

Blue Guy 2: You suck!

Tucker: Oh, those guys? How did they get here?

Caboose: Shoosh. Tex and Ghost told us to be quiet.

Tucker: Caboose, we're three hundred yards away. I don't think they heard us.

Red Guy: I think I heard something.

Tucker: I'm sure that was, just a coincidence.

Ghost & Tex arrives inside the temple

Andy:    Alright. After they takes out those three one by one, we probably stand a chance.

Ghost & Tex starts beating on one of the Blue guys

Blue Guy: Ow, what the fuck, that hurt! Ow!

Andy:    Or maybe not.

Blue Guy: Ow! Ow! Jesus! Ow! Stop it!

Tucker: Uh oh.

Blue Guy: What the fuck? Ow, ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Second Blue Guy: Heugh... So, did you watch the game last night?

Red Guy: Yeah, go Red.

Second Blue Guy: Fuck that, Red sucks.

Blue Guy: Now you're shooting me! Give me a break, this sucks! What the fuck did I ever do to you?! COME ONNNN!

Tucker: What the fuck, are they deaf?

A sniper shot hits behind Tucker

Tucker: Oh right, that you heard?

THE SIEGE BEGINS! A blue spider lands on the Blue guy at the turret and blows him up

Everyone: Huh?

That First Blue Guy: What?

Tex: Hiya fellas. Who's next?

Ghost: I'll let you handle this.

Everyone: Charge!

They charge, Tex mows 'em down, proving once and for all that she's a total badass

Tucker: That went well. So much for a sneak attack.

Cut to Donut talking on Red Base back in the Gulch

Donut: And that's how I rescued you both, and saved the day. The, End. Any questions?

Grif: Donut, that was the longest story I have ever heard. And I don't think I believed a word of it.

Sarge:    And quite frankly I found the showtune in the middle to be a little over the top.

Donut: Every word is absolutely true. It was the best military operation that you two ever slept through.

Grif: If everything went so well, then where's our jeep?

Donut: Well, I have a song I'd like to sing about that.

Grif: Forget it.

Cut to Church and Blue Simmons spying on the Reds through Church's sniper rifle

Church: Okay, that red one? That's Sarge. He's their leader, which is lucky for us because... well he's not that good a leader. The second in command is better, his name is Ghost. I used to know him.

Simmons: Wait, What!

Church: Yeah we fought in a war together.

Simmons: oh, wow.

Church: Yeah, And the one next to Sarge is Donut. I like Donut, he's pretty harmless man, I, I don't think he'd hurt a fly.

Simmons: Yeah, plus he's a little...

Church: A little, what?

Simmons: You know.

Church: No I, no I don't know.

Simmons: You know, he's kinda in to, girly stuff like ...feelings, and... da- you know.

Church: Uh, I think you might be projecting, there.

Simmons: I'm not projecting, I'm just stating an observation.

Church: I don't know man. You seem pretty defensive for somebody who's not projecting.

Simmons: His armor is pink.

Church: Pink, I wouldn't say pink, maybe... you know, slightly less red, but-

Simmons: It's pink, trust me. I know pink when I see it.

Church: Uh yeah, I bet. You wanna talk about it?

Simmons: No.

Church: And last is the orange one, that's Grif. He's really lazy, and really annoying.

Simmons: Yeah.

Church: But, at least he's smart. In fact I think he might be the second smartest one of the bunch.

Simmons: You mean smarter than all of the ones there now.

Church: No I mean all of them put together man, there's this other guy, who hangs around, in maroon armor? I haven't seen him in a while but he's a freakin' know-it-all man. He acts like he's smart, but he's really not.

Simmons: What?

Church: Yeah he walks around like he owns the place, and, you know he- you know, but nobody listens to him, and they always make fun of him behind his back.

Simmons: What do they say?

Church: Oh just how he's not good at stuff, and how he's dumb, and how the stuff he likes is dumb, and also that, you know, he's not as attractive as other people are.

Simmons: (Sniff, then as if holding back tears) Man, he sounds like a real jerk.

Simmons runs off

Church: Hehey, where ya goin'?

Simmons: I have to use the bathroom.

Church: Well, u-hurry up man, I wanna finish your orientation before you have to make me dinner.

Sheila: ...You do know that's Simmons, right?

Church: Oh yeah.