He ruined my career-Fernand x Kliff fanfic *really dumb*

Chapter 11: Dark clouds

Lonely.
It's so lonely.
Without you.

Fernand started to contemplate since the salty spitoon encounter. It made him rethink certain things. Think more about how he feels. He stayed in his room thinking about it for a few days since then. He just didn't knew what HE wanted. Or what was right for him. What was his strongest belief now crumbling, he didn't knew whether to let it crumble or stay.

Fernand stayed in his room contemplating for DAYS. He wouldn't get out. And the lights would always be dimmed no matter what hour of the day. Berkut said he didn't give a shit and said "Let him have his pity party! But seriously, getting rejected ain't no suprise for him!" Fernand didn't frucking care what the emo yeetard said, he just sat there in thought.

It was a stormy evening. Crackling thunder and rain howled throughout the Regalian castle. Ferny heard a knock on the door but he didn't get up or replied.
"Sir Fernand?"
Oh it was Rinea. She has concern for almost anyone, that fact makes Berkut triggered but Fernand finds that really nice. She's a sweet girl.
"You've been stuck in there for two days...
Will you please let me try and comfort you?"
In actuality, since he had no one else to talk to about the matter and neither did Rinea to talk to literally anyone else, he's been telling her about his secret crush on a certain Zofian in the Delivery Boys after all.

Fernand hesitantly went up and open the door and Rinea sneaked in.
"Berkoot went to get some sweet baby rays. Silly him, he dashed out of here when i told him i wanted some!" She laughed.
Fernand just stared at the floor and nodded with a downcast smile.

Rinea frowned worringly and gently placed her hand on his shoulder.
"Kliff huh?"
Fernand sighed, "Mm-hm."
"Did you tell him??....or... did something happen?"
Fernand sat on the bed and began to say,
"I...." Fernand thought about his situation and chuckled doubtly. "How could I forget?"
"Hm?"
"The whole reason why I hate commoners so much. Why I steep them so low, why I came to Regalia. It's cause...." Fernand fumbled his fingers.

"..they murdered my family."

Rinea's eyes widened, well she didn't expect that.
Fernand shook his head.
"Cause of that....why wouldn't I?" Fernand smiled shamelessly remembering all the dumb stuff he said about noble this noble that, but now he remembered, he had a reason to. He wasn't a dick to be a dick.
But then....why?

"Should I...be feeling this??"

Rinea let the room be still till she whispered, "Maybe because of this feeling..." she smiled reassuring and placed her hands on Fernand's. "...you're finally starting to forgive."

Fernand eyes lit up and he murmured those words, "Forgive...." Him? Fernand? Forgive the low peasants for what they had done?  "Am I...?"

Rinea giggled, "That's what I think! I've noticed you're more drawn to him than anyone else, be it commoner or noble. And...ever since he proved you wrong...you started to see the commonwealth in a new light. He's really changed you..you know?"

Fernand reconciled in her words. It's true. Ever since then he started to see those people as not common or scum..but people just trying to live. Even Alm and the others...they just wanna fight for their home. But...if this is true then, should he even be on the Regalian side????

Isn't it too late?
He shouldn't go with it.
He's already here...it's too late to back out now.
Am I trapped? I...shouldn't of gotten distracted huh....
The weight and realization of his thoughts crashed him down like the rain that pumbled the ground. A storm...a darkness shrouded. Maybe he'll forever be stuck in this storm...

Rinea bit her lip, trying to come up with what to say...
"...To clear you're mind...tell me.." she grinned and leaned forward so Fernand can see her. "...what's it like when you see him?"

Fernand focused on that question.
"When I see him...."
He closed his eyes.
It was dark.
So dark.
And the sounds of a thunderstorm.
"It's like...."
But he thought about Kliff.
And it was like...
He saw white.
A white light.
Shining.
"It's like something..."
Kliff was all that was on his mind.
His face...his eyes...his fluffy hair..the way he talks, the way he moves, the face he makes when he gets mad, his shrugs, his smirks, the determination in his eyes when he fights.
"It's like something I've never seen before."

His mind shut away from the world. The sounds of the heavy rain was disappearing. All there was, was him.

"He's like...a beacon of light. A light that I never knew I needed. But...it flickers out and disappears. And i wanna find it....I wanna chase after it. I wanna know so much more about him...Who he is...what he likes..what he thinks. I want to solve him. So that...I can never lose that light again."

Fernand opened his eyes back to the dim room and Rinea by his side. Then his words came back at him and he laughed embarrassingly. "Augh...sorry, that was too much."

Rinea smiled cheek to cheek, "No, that was adorable!"
"Adorable???"
"There's no doubt about it...you fell into the love trench." She laughed.
"Must be hard to get out of that trench huh?" Fernand knew too well.
"Indubitably." Rinea said like the elegant milady she is.

"But...Rinea." Fernand said like something just dawned on his mind.
"....how come it never crossed my mind that I like a....guy?"
Rinea blushed and laughed without holding back.
"Haha! Well, perhaps it's cause you always had but it never popped up till now?"
"So you think I always...rolled that way?!"
"Maybe! Ehe i dunno though!"
Fernand grumbled and laughed too, "I guess I was too concerned about him being a commoner than being a guy to begin with. But..." he stared off at the window, "..it's not like that matters.."

Fernand sighed. Letting all that out felt kinda good though. Like getting a heavy weight off your chest. But he can't help but think...does he truely forgive them?

"I don't know..." Fernando fell back on the bed. "I always had this inner...hate for them, but I just can't hate him."

Rinea giggled, "Love can be weird like that I think, I mean, I hate sweet baby rays but I still love Lord Berkut." She patted his shoulder then head to the door, "Just follow your heart Fernand. If you truely feel that way, that you just can't seem to hate him, then pursue it no matter what. Let him be your light...even if you two are from different lives and the world is against you, you have each other to make a change."

She closed the door and the rain started to dwindle and parted. Fernand layed there on his bed, struggling in his mind.