I felt my heart crumble as I broke down in tears . Every time I remembered these events , my heart breaks . I just don't believe it completely . I dropped to the couch and cried profusely . I couldn't stop . I've been living with fear ever since . I couldn't seem to move on . " Nels still alive ? Britt too ? Oh God ! why me ? just....why me . If there really is a God would he sit back there in his fucking chair and watch these happen to me ? " I mutter under my hot breath .
I perceived a familiar scent behind me as she patted my head ; Sabrina . My angel who never left me. I cried harder as i looked into her blue eyes .
" Hey Lana , look at me .. " She raised my chin up . I couldn't look into her eyes instead I looked at my picture hung up the wall . " I want you to look into my eyes Lana ..." I shivered and looked into her eyes .
" Lana you can't be like this forever . I mean , look at you , you're twenty - three hm ? move on Lana ..." She placed her hands on my shoulder as she continued . " I love you Lana , God loves you Lana . Some guy out there will love you ! ...yo- " I quickly cut her off by glaring at her with angry eyes .
" Don't you dare say that thing again . Love ? God ? loves me ? If there was a God would he let me be molested ? would he let me suffer ? would he let me lose my priorities ? . There's no fucking God Sab . There's no other love I need other than the one my parents showered me . Other than the one YOU showered me . Fuck God Sab . I hate him . I hate myself . I wanna die sab . I wanna die !! " I didn't know when i started crying loudly .
Sabrina stood up and went to her room . I thought she was angry . She suddenly came out with a large sized mirror . She stretched it to me. " Take this Lana . Take a good look at yourself . How long do you wanna remain this way ? " I became confused . " What am I to do with this ? "
" You heard me . "
I collected the mirror and inched it at my face with closed eyes because I was scared at the monster that would pop out from the mirror any second . I finally looked at myself .
" Ahhhhhhh " I screamed while touching my face .
" w-wha-what is this ? " My hair was badly rigid and unkept , untrimmed and had dandruff . The edges and tips were dry and rough . I had dark circles and soggy eyes . My lips were bigger due to my sobbing . My eyes were swollen and red . My cheeks looked deformed . I looked deformed . My eyebrows were full , my hairs were locked and lashes scattered . My whole face looked fallen . Eye bags too !!!
I toss the mirror away to the ground not wanting to notice anything . It shattered . It deserves that . " I'm a mess Sab . "
" I'll leave you , you need some time alone . Your food is in the fridge . Microwave when you're ready ". With that , she walked into her room . ' Move on you say , do you think its that easy to move on ? you don't even understand Sab . You don't feel my pain. I don't think I can ever move on but I'll think it through ' . I whisper to myself while having more gulp of my coffee.....
YOU ARE READING
unknown savior - Lana has always been loved countless by her family. They were the only ones who showered her pure love she also did the same to all but what did she get ? Her parents were murdered by her maternal and paternal family combin...