Afraid to Fall- H.S.

Chapter One- Music for Medicine

TW: mental illness, physical abuse, violence, brief mention of self harm

*PLAY SONG*

I listen to the music coming from my record player. The Rolling Stones have always been one of my favorites. Music has always been an escape for me. It helps me escape from reality or helps explain what I'm feeling. Music just somehow touches every person emotionally where words can't. Don't get me wrong, words can, but it's not the same. My music taste is all over the place. Don't worry though, I'm not one of those annoying people who always say they listen to everything but country. I like Panic!AtheDisco, Fall Out Boy, The Lumineers, Fleetwood Mac, Green Day,  The Rolling Stones, American Authors,  and music from the 70s to the 90s. Don't get me wrong though, I'll listen to anything. My guilty pleasure is definitely some old bubblegum pop from the 50s.

"Avery!" A rough voice calls out from downstairs. I flinch and take a deep breath, preparing myself for what I know is about to happen. I stop my record and start heading downstairs.

Once I get to the small living room, I automatically smell the awful stench of alcohol. I see my drunk father slumped on the couch with a beer in his hand. "Turn your awful music down" He growls.

Welcome to a day in the life of the wonderful Avery Hills.

"It wasn't even that loud," I mutter. He always finds the littlest things to annoy me with, and if I actually defend myself I get, well, best to put it nicely.

"What was that?" He yells, aggravated. His voice always has an awful edge and roughness to it. It mocks me. It is that very voice that makes my stomach turn and gives me unending anxiety.

"N-Nothing," I get out, flustered, while staring at the dated carpet in our living room. When, I look up, I see him standing right by me with his hand raised.

Shit.

I feel a sharp, stinging pain on my cheek. I let out a whimper and tears brim my eyes. It wasn't always like this. We were an actual family once. My mom left us, and everything fell apart. She became an alcoholic and they made her get out of my life. I heard she lives in L.A. now, getting by, but still unable to come back to us. But, of course, my dad started drinking heavily after that and got abusive. It's been like that since I was ten, but what can I say, I'm used to it by now.

"Hopefully that teaches you to keep your mouth shut," He grumbles and goes to the fridge to grab another beer. I take my advantage and run upstairs. Sometimes, he goes all out and I am left sobbing on the floor from taking the endless punches and kicks.

I go to my small bathroom upstairs and look at myself in the mirror. I have long dark brown, wavy hair, golden tan skin, freckles to the max, and big hazel eyes. I take a burning hot shower and get ready for bed. I feel emotionally exhausted and numb. I put on tank top and athletic shorts for pajamas and pace in my room. My mind is weird. Is it possible to be happy and sad at the same time? It's times like these are when I can't get escape my own mind. It's basically a battlefield. The sad side always gives me zero motivation, but then my anxiety makes me absolutely terrified to fail.

I don't cry. I am past that point. Now, I just don't feel at all, or at least that's what it seems like. I stare at my ceiling fan on my bed. I turn on my record player and the song plays again. Music always seems to be my medicine. I like to sing and write songs myself. I could never see myself doing it as a profession. Music is therapeutic for me. It's been there for me when I had nobody. It was the one constant thing I had in my life. I grab my guitar and start strumming along to the song.

Before I fall asleep, I grab my diary and get writing. It's supposed to help with everything, but to be honest I can't see how writing down words on a page is going to fix anything going on my life. The fresh and old scars on my wrists say otherwise.

***********************************************************************************************

So, that's the first chapter. She meets a special someone in the next chapter, so hopefully it will be a little bit more exciting.

Thanks for reading!

Song: Paint it Black by The Rolling Stones