Chapter 20: Obama's Head

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this is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. first to let go of life and finally, to take a step without feet.

 first to let go of life and finally, to take a step without feet

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A N N A B E T H

So here's the thing- I might be a criminal now.

I don't know if it's illegal to pepper spray someone in the eyes for fun. But for argument's sake- in case I was forced to go to a court hearing for it- it technically wasn't for fun.

I could argue that I had been harassed long enough- which was completely true. Enough people would back me up. 

Pepper spraying someone in the eyes guaranteed pain. To my knowledge it was even banned in Belgium- so it's a good thing I'm not there at the moment because I would certainly end up going to jail.

Even though Ralph had proven to be a terrible, terrible person- I felt horrible for even doing it. Yes, your honor- I am sorry for causing him bodily harm. But this man won't leave me alone!

Jokes aside, I genuinely felt horrible on the inside.

I didn't know if it was because I felt bad for pepper-spraying him in the eyes. I didn't know if it was because I knew James got punched in the face. I didn't know if it was because of what he said.

Half your family is dead. Deadbeat daddy in jail.

I feel my lips turn downward, as I stare at my pencil.

That wasn't a nice thing to bring up. It was a very triggering thing to say.

A part of me also felt horrible because telling him off made me remember all the bad things I associated him with.

I feel a hand press against the small of my back and I look up.

"You're being all quiet," James says to me, his gray eyes boring into mine, "C'mon, talk to me, Evans."

I look down at the tiny cut on his lower lip- the one Ralph had caused. 

I had insisted that we go to the nurse's office because he was bleeding, but since there was no one there I had grabbed a swab of cotton myself and pressed it against his lip until it stopped bleeding.

After that, we walked to the diner together wordlessly.

I couldn't bring myself to speak as much as I usually did. Sometimes, a person's words alone can make you miserable on the inside.

"Does it hurt?"

"Not one bit," he says firmly, and I look away again.

"I'm-"

"Don't apologize," he warns.

"But I-"

"No, seriously, shut up."

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