if you got a problem go and fix it, grow the fuck up

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damn, we really move fast huh? looks like school has begun, i start my college classes next week and i really don't want to. but boo hoo right? 

honestly i do love my friends but the ones that i haven't physically seen in like a year or like 10 months need to chill. not like of them but some of them have been like really rude when it comes to the fact that i go to a different school and have different friends like sue me for actually being happier with them, right? i love them but they just need to calm down. it's not like y'all cared for me before so why start now, ya know?

so far today i have felt cold and nauseous, it's gross and i hate it.

nothing too exciting has happened except for my sudden love for emo bands again. idk why i'm falling in love with fob again but i am so imma just accept it :))

she ra was so freaking good like they said mass wedding hfsklaja and the poly relationship i-

i'm watching black butler and like it's so good and my friend told me that my fav character, grell, is confirmed trans in the manga and by the creator and that is just beautiful bc grell honestly deserves love, she's a queen, we love and stan.

i'm so sorry my mind is just really gay atm like i just wanna get a pan flag, help my trans peeps, help my unsupported peeps, help my enby peeps, i just wanna be gay ya know? and i have a theory that the reason for that is bc i had like an epiphany or whatever last night that i could be killed for being who i am, especially since who i am is rejected by like half of the lgbt community as well as outside people, and that thought terrified me. i was genuinely scared, i went as far as to almost convince myself that i was making this all up and that i was 'normal' and i would marry a man. but after sleeping on it and waking up this morning to so many beautiful lgbt peeps and activists (mainly thomas sanders), i realized that while i am terrified of going out and like protesting on homophobic land or some brave shit like that, i want to do my part on a very small scale.

like y'all remember stan from it? how he was so cowardly? i never really liked him bc 1. in every adaptation, the writers have specifically given him a small role so he's not that popular, and 2. he reminded me so much of myself, the me that i never want others to know about, the me i'm scared to show the world. the me that's a big fat wusspuss. but bc of that, i don't want to be as scared, i mean let's be real, i'll always be scared, but i want to be stronger and stuff you know? like screw sitting here and pretending to thirst over only tom holland when we all know zendaya is part of it.

idk i just feel very outspoken rn :) i really wanna make videos or even write something but idk what about. like i wanna make short film script but about what, you know? this would be so much easier if it weren't for quarantine bc then i'd be able to get more input, i'd be able to direct it, get the shots i want all that but i can't so :(

that's it ig love you buh bye! 

5/19/20

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