Part 3: The Pineapple Problem - Chapter 2

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There are a lot of reasons it's not going to work out between us

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There are a lot of reasons it's not going to work out between us. So many reasons. A whole myriad of reasons.

Here are a few of them:

1) He's 'easy-going' to the point of simply not being bothered about things, which honestly, at this point, is just infuriating. I don't want someone agreeing to get married to me because 'whatever, I don't care', just to appease me. I want someone who wants to marry me. Is that really so much, so impossible, to ask?

And is it really so crazy of me to be bothered by how not bothered he is about it, how much he doesn't have an opinion on it, past: "Well, it's just a lot of money, isn't it? Look at what Jere and Kim are spending. But, like, yeah, it's going to be a nice day and everything, and I'm glad they're happy."

2) And on that note – it's impossible to have an argument with him sometimes. Which is nice, sure, I guess, because the most I get is a snarky retort... But isn't that part of what got us into this mess? Because we can't talk about the important things? Sure, I get that whose turn it is to take the bins out might not be life or death, but I have a thousand and one examples of things like that... and Zach's usual eye-roll and the fact he gives in if I'm belligerent enough (or, I get sick of bickering and I'm the one who gives in) means the disagreement ends there, but it's never really solved.

3) He's perpetually annoyed by me being a vegetarian, and my occasional foray into veganism. He'll joke that am I allowed to wear that woolly jumper, don't I know how much I'm missing out on at his family's barbecues, am I really going to be so pedantic about using a different pan to fry vegetables than the one he just cooked some meat in?

I think it started off as some weird little in-joke that was never serious, and I always know he's not really serious and isn't doing it to upset me, but I don't know where it came from or why it's such a thing for him. I know I make plenty of comments back at him about all the sweet little piggies he's so callously murdering just for a bacon sarnie when he's hungover, after all. But still: it pisses me off.

4) He always mixes up the names of the characters in Game of Thrones. Like, it's not that hard. It's not like Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, doesn't have enough titles. Surely he could remember one of them. And not still be saying, 'Oh, look, isn't that the girl with the eyebrows?' whenever she pops up on TV. It's not that hard. (I don't care if the show's over now, it's infuriating.)

5) He's shorter than me when I wear my good heels.

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