Twenty One Letters To Niall

Eighteen Letters To Niall

AN: the reason this took so long is simply because i have not had the time, nor the will, to write  at all. i've been working through some personal stuff as well, and some of this story especially hit a little close to home. thank you so much to all of you for all your supportive messages, for everyone who's been busy translating (you can find the link to all of them in the first chapter), and to everyone who is reading this, whether you are commenting or not. having this, having so much support, really is amazing and gives me so much confidence.

on a happier note, i should be posting the playlist some time soon, and as we near closer to the end hopefully updates will be quicker! ( i also am considering maybe doing a question and answer vid for you all, purely because i get so many messages asking the same things and a lot of the time i miss them. so let me know if you think that's a good idea, yeah?? ok ) love you all so so much, dont be afraid to point out typos because otherwise i'll be kicking myself later xx

The train was fairly empty when Niall caught it, settling into one of the window seats across the aisle from an old lady messing around an iPad. He'd gotten away from his security and the higher ups easy enough, just waved them off and said something vague about visiting some friends and family while Liam smiled ruefully at him.

The day had arrived. After months of waiting, Niall was finally going to see Charlie. This was it, no matter how cliche that sounded.

He'd done his time waiting, they both had, and today he was getting the chance to say all the things he'd been thinking in the dark, he was going to be able to see her in the flesh and keep her safe and let her know that she was loved. Today he'd be able to know her for real, today he'd be able to hug her and tell her that it would be okay. 

And it wasn't that he wanted to be her knight in shining armour, or anything. He didn't want to sweep in there and save her from all her demons. She could do that herself, and he knew that. She was so strong, stronger than anyone he'd ever known, and maybe it was more her that needed to know that. That was what he needed to say to her, he thought as he pulled out the worn package of letters out of his bag, fishing around for the last four letters he'd saved up until now.

Because even after knowing all of her life, after being chosen to have Charlie open up her heart to him, he'd never once thought she was weak. 

Dear Niall,

Things are getting bad. Things are getting really, really, bad and I - I don't know what to do. Fran and her girls, they're slowly pulling me apart. I'm failing most of my subjects. Teachers - they don't get it, they don't understand that I'm too tired to go home and revise even more, that I can't sleep at night and it makes me droopy in lessons. Can't they see that I don't care, don't have the energy or peace of mind to worry about signing my planner? All they do is nag and talk and ask pervasive questions, and I just want them stop. Please, just stop.

The loneliness is the worst, though.

When I was younger I always was surrounded by people. I don't know if I was just good at making friends back then - I'm definitely not now - or if it was just the fact that I was young and would talk to anyone that would listen, but there was always someone to play with. Always someone who was there, a familiar face or voice or just the comfort of having a person sitting next to you. My parents, despite dedicating the majority of their time to my sister, were still always asking me how I was, what I did today, and though they might have been fetching pills out of the cupboard or cleaning up in the bathroom while they did it, they still listened.