Letters || TaeJin ✔

24. Pretend

Seokjin

Sometimes, I keep on wondering what I did in life for me to experience all these. I believe I am a good son. I am a good brother. I am a good friend. A good worker. I am once a good student.

I wonder, perhaps, being good isn't always good. Or was it I'm always good that I need to feel the bad things in life? I'm not sure.

There's this bench in Seoul Grand Park where I love to seat when I'm feeling stressed. Right this time of the year, winter, when the weather is cold, it's nice to have a breather in my favorite place. Not a club, not a cafe. Just a bench right under a tree.

I pulled out my phone. Going to a job finding site where I get to filter the job available for my work experience. A high school undergraduate, with the top academic awards during high school, a former pizza delivery boy, kitchen helper, warehouse helper, street sweeper, currently a waiter and part-time newspaper delivery boy.

Isn't it unfair? I worked hard for every single job that I used to be in. It's literally blood, sweat, and tears. But, are those jobs worth putting in a resume? The answer is no. My hardships will not reflect in my resume. It will not get me my dream office job. No matter how hard I worked, no matter how heavy I carried on my back, no matter how far I swept, no matter how many tables I wiped, they were useless. Because a resume needs to highlight your educational background. Your remarkable work experiences. Your skills. All of that cannot be found on mine.

Perhaps, working in an office will remain as a dream. Sitting behind my own desk with a computer in front of me and piles of papers waiting for my signature and review. But you know what? Those dreams make me smile. Maybe, I still have a chance but at my age, the probability is lesser.

My work experiences and educational background brought me to the blue-collar job offerings. Janitor, cleaner, messenger. I guess these jobs are better than staying stuck in a restaurant with my best friend boss who keeps on finding fault in everything I do. Who keeps on treating me like a stupid human being.

With courage in my heart, I submitted my resume online. Wishing, at least one of them will reply. Hopefully, sooner.

On the other hand, I wonder why Mr. Min did that. Pretending that we don't know each other. Mr. Kim invited me again for dinner but I refused as I can't stand sitting there deceiving Mr. Kim. Whatever reason Mr. Min has, I guess we need to talk about it first. In the first place, I don't want him to be involved in my drama.

"Are you okay?" Jungkook asked as I put the reheated leftover food from our lunch earlier. Yoongi bought a lot and there are still plenty of leftovers.

I nodded and started to eat a slice of pizza. "Eat it while it's still hot." I took a big bite. I haven't tasted pizza in a while. Like what Jungkook said, our meal is always sweet and sour pork from Jimin's kitchen.

"How long have you been doing that?" Jungkook's tone is sympathetic. I thought he's mad at me for going to work on my day off. But his voice tells me otherwise.

"Just a week." I put down the pizza, looking at him, apologetic. "Jungkook I'm sorry. Please don't scold me. I had a bad day. Let's talk about this tomorrow."

I noticed how Jungkook's expression changed. I know he's not liking any of it. He hates it when I am having a problem with money. He always blames himself. He hates it when I am stressed out. And now I know exactly why he's annoyed. He doesn't want me to do extra jobs because he feels it's all his fault.

"Jungkook, please, whatever you're thinking, it's not about you or me. It's about my friendship with Jimin." I owe everything to him. If not because of him, we don't have food to eat and I cannot send Jungkook to school.

Jungkook sigh. Still not taking any food. "He's not treating you well, right?"

"Jimin and I are best friends. He will not treat me badly." 

"If he's really your friend, he will respect your rights. It's clearly your day off today. You should be resting. This week has been a tiring week for you. He should understand that.

Okay! Fine! He's paying you but will he pay for your hospital bills once you get sick because of overwork? He didn't even fulfill his promise of giving you a bike. Instead, he gave you an expensive scarf perhaps much expensive than a bicycle. That's not friendship hyung. He's abusing your kindness. Because he knows your weakness."

Is Jungkook not right in saying that? Everything he said is true. I don't even know why I'm letting Jimin do that. Perhaps, it's because I am indebted to him.

"Hyung, I know it's because of him why you have a job right now. I know he's paying you well. But it's not an excuse for him to mistreat you." Jungkook pulled my hand, placing it between his own. "I know I cannot help you now. But please, look for a new job. He will continue doing that because he knows that you need him. You need that job. And he will use that against you."

I guess I started to cry again. This week, I spent more than half of it crying myself to sleep. It's not healthy.

I place my free hand on top of Jungkook's hand, rubbing it. "I already submitted my resume online. Please stop worrying about me. I'm okay. I can handle Jimin." I showed him my online application emails so he will stop getting worried. I get a slice of pizza and gave it to him. "So eat now. It's not good when it's cold."

A lot of times, I cannot understand my purpose in life. I'm not sure why I need to experience all these. But there are lots of things that are keeping me motivated. And I am thankful that even though my job is not as impressive as the others, at least, I am employed, I am earning in a clean, decent way.

I cannot sleep that night. Jungkook forced me to go to sleep early but no matter how tired my body is, I still cannot sleep. Then my phone lights up.

"Still awake?"

"Yes. Why?"

"I'm here, outside the building."

The message made me sit on my floor mattress. What the hell is he doing outside at this hour? I looked at Jungkook who is fast asleep. I tiptoed to the floor and made my way downstairs, seeing Mr. Min, standing in front of his car, waving at me.

"Why are you here?" I asked, looking at my phone. "It's already 12. You should be at home."

He smiled, his gummy smile. "You'll not ask for my explanation?"

I stared at him. Of course. But I'm not rushing.

"Over Soju?" He opened the car door to let me in.

I shake my head. "Can we just stay here? Once Jungkook finds out that I'm not at home, he might get mad at me."

Yoongi closed the door of his car. His hands in his pocket. "It's cold here outside you know."

"I know so tell me now what's up and you need to do that? What if Mr. Kim finds out--"

"Hoseok can be a bit talkative when drunk." He cuts me out, grinning.

"What do you mean?"

"He told me that it's Jimin. I'm not sure if he's aware because he's a bit drunk. So I already know even before I saw you coming out of Taehyung's home.

You see, Taehyung isn't that stupid. I mean, it's actually becoming a little obvious and he's starting to ask if you're the same Jin working at Chim's that I am talking about. I had to cover for you. Once he learned that we know each other, he'll have more reasons to believe that it's Jimin.

I mean, I honestly want him to know that it's him. You said you want to protect your job. He will surely get mad at you for letting his secret come out. And it's not impossible that it will cause you to lose your job.

I know it will come out soon as they are planning to meet up. I know Jimin has his own idea of how he wants Taehyung to know and I guess it won't be a good idea if you'll be the one to spoil his crazy plans. Until then, let's pretend we don't know each other."

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A/N:

I'm sorry if it took me long to update. Wattpad is acting up. But here's the update now. Mahal ko kayo. 💜💜💜😘