noted → calum hood | #Wattys2015

twenty eight

Dear Calum,

I haven't written to you in months, not that that particularly matters. We both know that you'll never receive this note because I've put up a wall and pretend that I hate everything about you. In reality, I could never hate you no matter how hard I try.
Perhaps you don't actually know that; you do know that I hate you and therefore won't write to you, though, so as long as that front is working, I'm not complaining.

I have confession. I kissed Michael. Not once, but three times. In my defense it was all in the same five minute period.

It was your fault though. Had I never seen you kiss Mackenzie, I would have never went outside and talked with Michael. He comforted me, and I guess it's just what I needed at the moment.

Am I going back to blaming you for things? I suppose, but you almost made me cry, and therefore you deserve it.

No you don't. What am I talking about?
Looking back on it now, about two months after, I realize how much I wish I hadn't kissed him. It wasn't a big deal; no spark, no awkwardness, but it was my first kiss. I had full intentions to share that kiss with you. I don't care how stupid it sounds (a lot, I know), but I feel guilty. I shouldn't though, I'm supposed to be over you. And as far as everyone knows, I am.