I sit in my bed in the early morning and think about Cato. He probably hates me. I'm a traitor, I went to a guard to "protect myself" from him. I am no longer pure, I've been used by others. Not Cato. He probably wants to kill me, he probably met another girl and I'm just in the way.
"Wake up, Clove" Cashmere whispers carefully through the glass. I sit up so she can see I've been up. She smiles weakly and I hear her stomach rumbling. We both share a quiet laugh but it fades because we're here.
"What did you need?" I ask finally remembering that she "woke me up". She looks at me confused but then she remembers.
"They're going to mess with us mentally" she says "I heard the guards laughing about your last test" I nod bitterly. She frowns and we wait for guards to come. They finally do after around 5 minutes. They grab me and cuff me with little care for breaking any of my bones. They grab Cashmere but we split into different corridors.
"When can I eat again?" I ask as they push and pull me through hallway after hallway. They smile down bored. I decide to maybe not talk about it then one of them speaks.
"You can eat if you earn it" one guard says bitterly "do something for us and we can sneak you some food" he says smirking. I look away from him and he laughs to the other guard.
'Do something they say' I mumble 'earn your pay, you'll do fine' they look at me strangely and I smile innocently.
"Here you go" they say in unison as they release my cuffs from my wrists in a large room with a wall replaced by a mirror. I stand in the center as they leave slamming the door behind me.
"Hello?" I ask "Anyone here?" I ask loudly then the door creaks open. I see two guards lead a blond haired boy with his head down. They throw him and he doesn't even bother to lift his head.
"Peeta?" I ask hoping it won't be Cato. It is. He lifts his head and smiles. He runs to me and I back up as fast as I can. I hit a wall and can't go any further. I start to freak out as he picks me up and grips me tightly.
"Help!" I yell and he looks saddened. He lets me down and I stick as close to the wall as possible.
"Why don't you want to see me?" he asks carefully. I shrug and try to slide along the wall away from him. He sees me and looks into my eyes. "Clove I love you".
"No you don't" I say quietly and cautiously "You just don't want to get hurt, they think you love me" I say say gesturing to the cameras.
"I want to go home" I say loudly "my real home, with my real Cato" I say quieter. Guards come in and cuff me up.
"Don't touch her" Cato yells standing between me and the guards. I scream and he grabs my waist. They take out their tazer sticks and turn them on with a quickly click of a small discrete button. I only know this from when my dad brought his suit to be cleaned, he showed me and Shyll the ins and outs of his equipment.
The guards walk carefully up to Cato who has kept his tight grip on my waist. He pushes me behind him and lunges at the center guard. The guards tackle him and zap him repeatedly. All I can hear is buzzing and his pained screams.
"Stop it! You're hurting him!" I say out of desperation, a guard turns to me and punches me, with the zapper stick. I scream out and fall to the ground. I can't feel any part of my body and the last thing I hear is Cato scream again. Then I black out.
I wake up on a hard mattress, with a man watching me. I feel for some clothes, lucky I have some. I look down at myself and sigh, not much though. It looks like lingerie, probably is. He smirks at me when he sees I'm up and walks to me. He pulls me to my feet and I force myself to smile. I've learned, well been traumatized into, being nice and shy with my patrons. He smiles, a little more genuinely, and twirls me around. He checks me out, his eyes roaming every inch of my body and I blush. Not because I like him, or the attention, but because I've never had someone look at me so focused.
"Make my day" he says, lying on the bed slowly. I nod, trying not to puke, or cry. I strut over to him, putting a extra flick to my hips. When I get to him, I run my hand down his chest and lean onto his face. He smirks wildly, his breath smells minty, but there's a hint of cigarette.
"What would you like today?" I ask "Sir" I add quickly, still keeping the fake smirk on my face. He looks, almost, nervous but eventually smirks up at me.
"The works" he says, code for a little bit of everything. I can take my sweet time, he only has an hour, but if he isn't satisfied, I'll be tortured. I try to decide, looking like I'm figuring out which one first. I finally decide to just take my time. I'd rather be tortured than give him 'the works'. Or would I?
Now I'm doubting myself. I climb on top of him, straddling his waist and reach to start kissing him. He moans the whole time, even though it's not that amazing. He pulls off his shirt desperately, then goes for his pants. I shake my head, remembering what they drilled into my head. 'The more you wait, the more he'll want it. The more he wants it, the better it is' they would repeat that during all of my 'tests'.
I reach for his belt and undo it, taking my sweet time. He's sweating, with anxiety, I guess, but I don't go any faster. I finally get it undone and take my time removing it from the belt loops. He looks impatient, but I don't care. I unzip his pants and pull them down, leaving him in just underwear, and me in my almost-lingerie. I pull down his pants and begin to stroke his member, like the guards 'taught' me to do.
"Suck it" he demands, pushing my face closer to it. I do, hoping he'll want to do something else quickly. I take my time with this, hoping to bore him soon. He moans loudly and grabs my shoulders. He pushes me onto the bed and gets on top of me. He enters me quickly, not taking his time at all.
As he thrusts into me, he pulls my hair and kisses down my chest, over my 'decoration-scars'. He runs his hands over my boobs and squeezes each one in turn. I moan, not out pleasure. Just to, maybe, get a better tip or food. The better I am, the more I get from them.
"You're so tight" he says, smirking and thrusting even harder. I just nod.
"Thank you sir, I get that a lot" he looks at me quickly. I find it hilarious how they think they're my 'one and only'. I scream in pain, he's starting to hurt me.
"Time's up" I hear outside. I hold in a sigh, "my patron wouldn't like that" I remind myself. The man gets off of me, not before making sure to 'mark his territory', meaning cumming on me. I hold in a gag, that's a first, surprisingly.
"Clean yourself up" the guards yells at me, like it's my fault. And that's when I fall apart. I thought I could just live my life like this, but it's broken every mode of emotional defense, I have, well had.