The Heart Grows Fonder (A Pen to Paper sequel) [N.H]

3.2 - U.S.A

*Three Years Ago - May*

Niall's POV

'Are you sure you're up for this?' John asks me.

'I don't even know. I have to. I can't let down my fans. I just... I  wish I found her. I have no idea where she is! I went to Paris, she wasn't there. I looked as much as I could. She's nowhere to be found! But I'm not giving up. I have people looking for her. But I have to do the tour.'

'I'm sure once we get on stage and see everyone you'll focus on the show and get away from it all. At least for an hour and a half.'

'Yeah. I'm sure you're right.'

For the next few weeks, as we're touring the US, I got myself into a routine. The day starts up good, I'd be excited about the show, I'd spend time with the boys, then we do the soundcheck and once that is done, there's some time to kill while waiting for the show to start. And that's when I start feeling bad. What if she's there? Watching? What if she's in the crowd? Although I have no idea why she would be in the US and why would she come to my show anyway. She doesn't want to see me. But all I can do is think about her.

'Mate, come on! We're on in 5! Shake it off! It'll be okay. Just like every time. Once we play that first chord it'll all go away. Alright? Cmon mate!' John gets me to get off the couch in my dressing room and make my way through the corridors to the stage. 

I take a deep breath and wait for my cue and get on stage. Just one chord and everything will be good again. I need to put on a great show for them. It's not about me anymore. The cheers give me the courage and the push I needed, the song starts and I put on the show these people came to watch. I do my best anyway. And just like that, just like magic, I'm in a good mood again. 

I do my best to ignore when I look into the crowd and see someone who looks like her. I know she's not here. It happens every night. And every night I'm wrong. She's never here. Song after song, everything goes well. I chat a little with everyone. They seem to be happy and enjoying it. So I'm okay. I just to focus on them and I'll be okay. Alright, what's the next song? I check the paper taped to the floor to make sure I'm not mistaken. Everywhere. Okay. I can do this.

Feels like every time I turn a corner
You're standing right there
Over my shoulder, you're everywhere
I swear it's hard to think
It's hard to breathe when you're in the air
I try to run, but you're everywhere I go
When I think I'm all alone
And my heart's under control
Why is loving you not fair?
You're everywhere

The ground beneath my feet's a bit colder
I see your face in people I don't know
Feels like the world is twisting in slow-mo
And I'm stuck in one place

Shut up. Stop thinking about her. This is not about her. This is not about you. You have to hold it together. Stop thinking about her. Focus on the chords. You know the lyrics but just don't think about them. They're just lyrics. Keep it together.

Everywhere
Everywhere I go
But, you're still not here
No, you're still not here

I focus on hitting the high note but completely out of my control a tear slips out of my eye. Hopefully, no one will notice and they'll think it's just sweat.