Finders Keepers

Finders Keepers - Chapters 1-10

DISCLAIMER: This title contains coarse language and mature content. It is not suitable for readers 18 years of age or younger.

PART I

THE MOMENT OF SPONTANEOUS MADNESS

Chapter 1
The Moment of Spontaneous Madness

Manchester, England - Heading Northeast on the M56
Wednesday, August 31, 2005, 9:41 a.m.

Jason Medley clung to the seat belt for dear life. Strapped into the left side passenger seat, he went nauseous and started to black out, certain that the oncoming cars in the next lane-WHAM, WHAM, WHAM-were going to crash through the windshield and decapitate him. After only twelve minutes, he hated England already.

            Jean chuckled as they puttered along the M56, the major motorway to Manchester. It had many curves. "Relax, mate. Relax. You Yanks are so squeamish at first. You'll get used to it."

            But Jason didn't want to relax. He didn't want to get used to it. And he certainly didn't give a horse's hairy nut about tea, cricket or if the Queen watched "footie." What he did want was to be back on Long Island, waiting tables at Funzie's, giving him enough time to search the online job postings again for a sign. A clue. A pigeon flying upside down and projectile crapping upward. Anything. A signal alerting him that there was indeed hope of a high school English teaching job for him with the New York City Board of Education, where he could then be persecuted for not properly educating his students. Hey. A guy could dream.

            He also wanted to travel back in time to that regrettable moment of spontaneous madness, when he quit the restaurant on impulse, and then purchased the nonrefundable plane ticket that was now stuffed in his money belt.

            But most of all, he wanted to take his bare hands and strangle Hank for convincing him to take this god-forsaken backpacking trip in the first place. Jason did not explore. He did not go on adventures. They really weren't his thang. The world was unknown to him for a reason.

            "So, em ... Jason." Jean was an attractive older woman, draped in a blue, acid-washed sundress and over-sized bracelets. Her long, gray hair was bunched in a rubber band. "Hank tells me you've been planning this trip for ages. He says you're quite the traveler."

            "He said what? No, I ..." An approaching four-door car spurred a near upchuck in him. The exit for Manchester arched toward the right. "He stuck a French fry in my face! He yelled at me to see the world before ... urrch, oh, god ... he told me I was hiding fro-"

            "You took advice from him? Oh ... Jason. Tell me you didn't."

            "Well ... I don't know. Maybe ...? Kinda ...?"

            "Em ... let me guess." Jean gestured with her free hand. "He said the world was chock full of possibility? That the more you embraced life, the more life would embrace you?"

            Jason wiped the drool from his chin. "Actually ... he did say that. Almost exactly."

            Jean let out a controlled but exasperated sigh. "Don't be offended, because you seem like a nice bloke ... but are you daft? He's divorced five times! He's a bloody ponce! He fills your head with hope and then leaves you to figure it out!"

            "I know!"

            "Then why'd you listen to him?"

            "I don't know! Why did you? You married him." Jean was ex-wife number four. Jason forgot not to bring that up. Hank said they were still friends, but had some issues they never quite worked out. "So ...," Jason said finally, changing the subject. "What are we up to today?"