My Confesion

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My struggle in life is to be accepted. It really is. I just have realized this recently. I always just of had that problem. I've been an outcast, I've had lots of friends, and I've been in the middle. Being an outcast is lonely, but being with a group of friends that you don't wanna be in or ignore you in is lonelier. I'm proud, I'm stubborn, I'm selfish, I need to feel loved, I need attention, I'm needy, I'm greedy, I manipulate, I'm a horrible mess.

I've always struggled to truly find my self. I struggle to be accepted so I become someone else. That someone I act as becomes how people know me as and then the real me is gone. I don't know who I am any more... I'm lost. I pray at night, I need a light to follow, but all I can find is a false light.

I a pleaser. I live to make others happy so I can be accepted. I never realize that about yourself until your really lost. I need a new start. I can't find who I'm truly looking for. I find it easier to patch things up then to take the time to fix it. How can you fix something you've shattered? You pick it up and piece it back delicately.

I find you tubers as my escape from life. I pick them wisely about how they talk and act. What I would want in a friend. I sit they're listening to them talk for hours on end. I can talk to them , and vent to them. They don't hear be, but at least they thank me a lot. When I'm down, sad, or tired I just pull up a video and I can watch anything. You grow fascinations for these people you don't truly know, but you feel like you do.

I admit I've done to many wrong things in my life to go back and redo them all, but I live to find a way to fix them. My struggles may not be average problems, are maybe mine seem to "mainstream" for you, but this is my struggle in life; to be accepted. I need to be congratulated, I need the encouragement, it keeps me knowing that someone does care. I admit I'm needy and I just recently found this out and this is the first step to fixing it; admitting it. So I admit to it 100%. I don't need your sorrow or your scoffs that I'm overreacting. This is my problem. Know think about this, what's yours?

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