Au Revoir-MaiChard (A Collection of One Shot)

Seven Sixteen (2)

Dead End.

Mag-dadalawang taon na akong naghahanap, but nauuwi sa dead end lahat ng leads. I could still remember vividly what happened that day.

Anim na buwan when I lost my mom to Cancer. I need to help my father pay for all our debts caused by my mom's hospitalization.

Ang munting kita sa maliit naming restaurant na minana pa ng Mama ko sa Lola ko, ay nauuwi pa din sa gamotan, hanggang sa we decided to let my younger sister took over the restaurant at siya at ang Dad niya ay naghanap ng ibang trabaho that could sustain us, but, even that, we weren't able to save Mom.

It was a long battle, but, my mom has always been a fighter up to the last minute of her life.

It was hard but if there is one thing my mom made me, my father and my sister promised was for us to not dwell too much on her passing, that we need to continue our lives and that this is just a temporary goodbye.

She has always been the optimists that's why we were able to accept and slowly get back to our normal lives together as family.

After my mom's passing, my dad decided to go to the US, we have relatives there. I was left with my sister managing the small restaurant.

Napaka importante sa amin na di magsara ang restaurant, kasi madaming recipe ang mommy ko na tumatak talaga and it was really doing well, until Corona Virus happened and we had no choice but to close for the entire duration of the ECQ, but, after two months, we were slowly getting back at our feet, functioning at minimum capacity, making sure that our staff were protected, yet, hindi pa rin ako nakaligtas.

I got the virus at hindi ko alam kung saan ko nakuha. The restaurant was closed to disinfect, my sister was isolated and closely monitored and I was brought to the hospital because I was showing mild to moderate symptoms that could go worse and severe depending on my immune system's response to the medication given.

I remembered talking to my Dad and Sister that day before I was moved to a room at the hospital where I was admitted. My Dad was so worried. My sister was crying so hard it breaks my heart, but, what can I do? Nothing, and I might as well condition myself that worst could happen anytime.

I was looking at the ceiling when I felt someone is staring at me from my right side of bed. I moved and right then and there, I saw one of the most beautiful eyes I could've ever seen in my entire life.

I didn't blink and just looked at her. There was something familiar with those eyes, parang nakita ko na to. Saan ba?

I was taking my time remembering where did I saw her? And it dawned on me—it resembles my mom's eyes.

It has the most calming effect, even if I can sense the fear behind it, yet, to me—it's a LIFELINE.

Pwede ba yon?

Nakikita ko ang takot sa mga mata niya, pero the same eyes gave me calm and made me think of all the possibilities of the living and not the dead.

Her eyes calms me & put me in perspective. Gave me the boost to think more of the now and forget tomorrow because even tomorrow is uncertain if it will be given to him or her. Only God knows.

Steve Job's voice is screaming at my head, it was this particular lines that made me want to take actions and make the here and now count...

"If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?"

I smiled upon remembering the conversation that took placed after. It was one of the best conversations I've had with a stranger so familiar.

I don't believe much in love at first sight, but I believe in love in all forms and kind.

I believe in connection at first sight. 

I believe she was sent to me because there is something so special that happened that I cannot even begin to explain.

I don't know her name.  But I can vividly remember how she looked like, and most of all, I will never forget her eyes...

I don't know her at all and the single piece of information I got from that day was—she was patient #1024...

...and I hope and pray harder everyday that in some distant place—she's breathing—alive and well because I intend to find her and fulfill her 2nd and 3rd wish...

—
Napabangon ako mula sa pagtulog. Sa araw-araw na ginawa ng Diyos mula nong binigyan niya ako ng isa pang pagkakataong mabuhay, parating laman ng panaginip ko ang huling mga sandali ko bago ako dinala sa ICU.

3 years ago, I was fighting for my own life. Akala ko doon na magtatapos ang lahat, but by some miracle, nakaligtas ako at gusto kong pasalamatan ang may ari ng boses na palaging laman ng panginip ko.

I believe that those same words became my anchor na lumaban. Kung paano? Hindi ko alam...

"LIVE! YOU HAVE TO LIVE, SWEETHEART."

My dreams would always end up hearing those words—it helped me back then as if he was giving me no other option but to fight for my life.

I stayed at the hospital for 41 days. Malaki ang gastos pero hindi ininda ng pamilya ko.

I was born and raised in Davao City, my parents owned a piece of land pero dahil sa gastos sa hospital ko noon, nabenta na nila yon.

I was in Manila during that time because I was invited by my Aunt to stay there and took my review and teacher's licensure exam. I took the opportunity kasi, my Aunt volunteered to shoulder my review expenses.

Nasa ikatlong buwan na ako ng review ko when the pandemic happened. After that 41 days at nakalabas ako ng hospital, I did everything with the help of my Aunt na makauwi agad sa Davao. I've spent my 3 years here, namumundok at nagtuturo sa mga bata.

My parents encourages me to take a review and licensure exam here in Davao, but, I refused. I don't know, para akong na phobia sa maraming tao—na natatakot akong makipaghalubilo, hindi biro ang makaranas ng near death experienced.

Okay lang sa bundok, wala naman masyadong tao, ilan lang ba ang tinuturuan niyang mga bata? Maximum na yong kinse. Pero alam ko naman sa sarili na soon, kailangan kong harapin ang takot na ito dulot ng pagkakasakit ko noon.

My parents decided to send me to a psychiatrist, para matulongan akong ma proseso ang takot na meron ako ngayon. I opened up to my doctor everything including my dreams of a particular man.

Kumusta na kaya siya? At higit sa lahat ang pinaka importanteng tanong—buhay pa kaya siya?

My doctor explained to me, na baka nasa panaginip ko siya palagi kasi isa siya sa naging dahilan ko para lumaban noon—his words have become an anchor at the most crucial time of my life.

And there was a promise at stake. Hindi ko alam kung saan nanggaling ang sinabi ng Doctor ko na maybe I was holding on to that promised.

Hindi ko man yon naiisip but the subconscious mind remembers and wanted to reconnect to find out the possibility if the promise can be fulfilled.

Hindi ko alam kung tamang sundin ko ang Doctor ko—to confront my fears, balikan ang lugar na kinatatakotan ko, and probably if it's possible to find him—it would be much better.

Honestly? I wanted to find him and thank him for somehow saving me. That conversation I had with him no matter how short—is still so alive na paulit ulit siyang nag rerewind sa utak ko.

Sana buhay pa siya at sana makita ko siya, pero paano? Saan ko siya hahanapin?

Bukas ang flight ko pa Manila, kinakabahan ako na di ko alam.

Bakit may feeling akong there's something big that will happen soon, at hindi ko alam kung magandang pangyayari ba ito o hindi.

I tried to close my eyes & get more sleep. I needed it for tomorrow. Pero, hindi ko mapigilang mapangiti kasi ni minsan sa tatlong taon na nakalipas hindi ko nakalimotan ang mukha ng lalaking may malalim na biloy.

"Sana buhay ka pa, Mr. Sweerheart..."

—
Author's Note: Final part is next.