Pain

55

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FINAL CHAPTER

"How could he?" Caroline said in a southern accent clenching her fist. It actually came out more funny than serious. I suppressed a smile not wanting to anger her. I stared blankly at her and her eyes filled with sympathy once more. "Ashley," she said in a low voice. "How could you let him do this? You should have gotten help. You should have at least come to me. What if he did something to you and Jake?" she gasped, putting her hand over her mouth. "When you were pregnant... It was him wasn't it?" she asked, in disbelief. I nodded and her eyes teared up. "I am so sorry Ashley. I don't know how I could have been so blind."

"It's not your fault. I had no way out, and telling someone would only make things worse. He always hurt me in places others couldn't see. So stop beating yourself up with this," I assured her.

"But why now?" she asked looking at me.

"What do you mean 'why now'?" I questioned her.

"Why are you breaking free now? You could have left whenever you wanted to and just disappear, but why now?" What had happened earlier; Christopher's confession came into my mind as I recalled all the things he had said.

'Why would I buy you anything?'

'I never sent you these. Why would I?'

"Because he was not my secret admirer." I looked at Jake, avoiding her eyes which were piercing through me. She knew who I was talking about. The gifts and letters were sent to me by an unknown person, who I thought had loved me, but being mistaken was an understatement.

"Let's get you out of here," she said turning back to the wheel and starting the car. The drive was silent and Caroline didn't say a single word. I could tell she was debating with herself whether to pity me or be mad at me for making such a wrong decision in my life. I didn't regret it though. If none of this had happened, I wouldn't have been able to smile... ever! I broke free from feeling sorry for myself. I had finally moved on from my Jake and the fake smile that I once plastered on my face finally reached my eyes. However, the only thing I regretted is bringing another life into this mess. My baby was stuck in the middle of this. Forever he would grow up without the guidance and love of a father. No matter how much I could try to be both, the truth was that I would never be. It would always be an empty void. That does not mean I would love him any less. I would love him with all my heart, because as much as he was a part of Christopher, he was also a part of me.

The car came to a stop. I peered out the window and saw that we were at a hotel. It didn't look cheap at all. In fact, it looked quite expensive. "Caroline, where are we?" I questioned.

"It's the 3rd farthest hotel which would be comforting for you and Jake," she said, unbuckling her seatbelt.

"3rd farthest?" I questioned her. She looked at me mischievously.

"Well, suppose my cousin decided to find out where we were, he would have to search in 2 more hotel before he gets to us," she said smirking. The thought of Christopher finding out where we were made me sick to my stomach. Who knew what he would do to me; to us? I pushed the thoughts to the back of my mind while I unbuckled Jake. He was wide awake and I had to feed him. He looked at me with teary eyes as he sucked on his pacifier. That look... It only reminded me more and more of what a bad mother I was.