Along Parallel Lines

01:18

December 31, 2019 Tuesday

R E E S E

New Year.

I couldn't sleep so I stayed up, nasa terrace ako habang nakatingin sa labas ng bahay. Nagpapahangin. Nag-iisip. Habang hawak iyong kwintas na ni-regalo sa'kin ni Sid. I was thinking all over again my recent realizations. Me leaving, made me realize what I really wanted or whom really mattered to me and me going back, made me realize that I should stop running, that I should give it a try.

At least... for once.

It's cold outside but it was bearable since I'm wearing my pitch-black hoodie but what's really unbearable is that...

I know what I really want now but I don't know how will I reach that desire. Ang hirap.

"Hey," I heard a voice from behind. Tumingin ako sa sliding door at nakita ko si Kuya, may hawak na box.

"Mama and Dada are awake, tinutulungan na nila sila Yaya na mag-prepare para mamaya," aniya.

I nodded at him. Napatingin ako sa kahon na hawak niya. Medyo may kalakihan 'yun.

"What's that?" turo ko sa hawak niya.

"Sid gave it to me kaninang umaga, pumunta siya dito sa bahay kanina. Akala ko ikaw ang sadya niya kaya gigisingin dapat kita pero sabi niya huwag na raw kasi may iiwanan lang naman daw siya." Inabot niya sa'kin 'yung box. "Sabi niya, ibigay ko raw 'to sa'yo bago magbagong taon. You have 20 minutes. Buksan mo na 'yan."

After ni Kuya sabihin 'yun, umalis na siya. Tinitigan ko pa iyong kahon bago ko iyon naisipan buksan and I saw a walkman, a tape, and a letter. There's also a note that says listen to me first.

Tumakbo ako papunta sa kwarto ko para kumuha ng earphones.

6 minutes left.

Pinakinggan ko iyong tape.

And then, I heard his voice, singing and he seems to be playing his guitar.

Hanggang dito na lamang ang iyong mga luha, tama na, tahan na. Hihilumin ang iyong mga sugat. Pighati'y wakas na. Mga himig na inilaan sa'yo kunin at ibaon sa puso mo. Bagong araw ay paparating, hintayin ang pagkakataon.

I was listening to it intently, parang tumigil iyong oras. God, I miss his voice, then I felt a tear dropping. Umiiyak na pala ako.

Nandito lang ako, umaakay sa'yo. Nandito lang ako, naghihintay sa'yo. Nandito lang ako, umaakay sa'yo. Nandito lang ako, naghihintay sa'yo.

The way he sang the phrase nandito lang ako pakiramdam ko nandito talaga siya, encircling his arms around me. I really hope he is here. Asan ba kasi siya? Bakit kailangan iwanan niya lang 'to dito? Bakit hindi niya ako kinausap? I wanted us to be clear. Ano ba talaga kami?

Hanggang dito na lang ang iyong mga luha.

The phrase didn't stop my tears to flow, iyak lang ako ng iyak habang nakikinig. I couldn't stop, nakalimutan ko na yata kung paano.

Tahan na.

Then the song ended with that, hindi Sid... ang hirap tumahan, ang hirap.

Ibinalik ko na iyong walkman sa box kasama 'yung earphones ko at ibinaling ko naman ang atensyon ko sa letter na kasama nito. Lumapit ako sa railings ng terrace at ipinatong ang siko ko doon habang hawak ng dalawa kong kamay ang sulat.

Hi Reese Eleighn,

I guess you've heard the tape, I wanted to put so much effort for my new year's gift for you that's why I chose to record a song for you through a tape rather than sending a voice mail to you on messenger or any other high-tech social sites. I want it to be classic and I hope you'd appreciate it. Probably at this point, siguro marami ka ng fireworks na nakikita sa langit, a sign that it's already new year.

So, happy new year Reese.

Sana tumahan ka na sa pag-iyak, sana iwanan mo na lahat ng sakit na naramdaman mo sa nakaraang taon, sana handa ka na ulit magsimula, kung maari sana... kasama ako, kasi hindi ako magdadalawang isip na magsimula kasama ka.

Siguro kaya hindi tayo nagtagpo noon, kasi wala pang rason but this time I know for sure, there is a reason why we met again, why all of a sudden we became friends. This is all of a sudden and I couldn't bear the fact that this is just nothing because for me this is everything.

I know Reese, you're probably confused right now. You're probably thinking that I'm a two-hearted person but it's sad to say that I'm not. I've never cheated in my whole life, never will be.

Because its only you that I love. Ikaw lang.

There's no other girl because if you're thinking about Erika, I would love to break it to you that she's just my half-sibling and the reason why I came back here in the Philippines is to settle things, Erika's dad and my dad aren't in good terms and fixing them is my mom's dying wish.

And I need to make it happen.

I'm sorry if I did not tell you, I just don't want to complicate things with Erika, since she doesn't want everyone to know that she's the result of my mom's infidelity.

I hope you'll finally understand why I was acting so strange, that what I'm feeling for you is truthful. That's all Reese. I'm sorry for all the troubles that I've caused, for confusing you. I should've known better.

'Til then Reese. I love you.

And just like that, everything made fucking sense.