It Goes On (Sample)

Chapter 3

Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it. – JK Rowling

I had a father.

He was murdered when I was in Kindergarten. He was a police officer and died in the line of duty—some druggy scumbag shot him.

He was the best man I'd ever known.

I. Had. A. Father.

This man in front of me was not my father. But he kept saying he was.

The ice-cold feeling that started in my core spread to my limbs.

"I know I can't make up for the past twenty years, but I want to do what I can. Once I learned you both were moving here, I began making arrangements for you. This hotel, the apartment you'll move to next week, and a bank account."

He pulled a blue credit card from his pocket and placed it in my hand. My name was printed on the front. Kate Green.

"There's ten thousand dollars in the account to get you started. I'm also going to pay off your student loans and pay for college so you can continue your education. Anything you need, let me know."

I tried to raise my hand and stop his talking, but I was frozen. Unable to move, I closed my eyes to block out any new information. This was all too much. I couldn't handle any more.

It worked. He stopped talking.

When I opened my eyes, he was standing. His eyes drilled into mine. "I'll go now. Come by tomorrow for dinner to meet your sisters."

My heart stopped.

Carly walked him to the door, and they embraced with mumbled words.

Then he was gone. As if he had not just shattered my world into unrecognizable pieces.

After several moments, I regained some function of my limbs and could move. I wanted a drink but thought better of it. If I had a glass in my hand, I would throw it at Carly's head. I couldn't even think of her as my mother.

The anger that boiled around in my body was at odds with the icy feeling that was still present throughout. I was restless but stunned into motionlessness. I wanted to scream but was choked into silence. Everything inside me was at odds. An internal war, both physically and mentally.

Carly stood by the door staring at me. "I'm going to go... I have to check out the apartment Connor set up. I—We'll talk later?"

I just stared at her.

"Wow." She had a trill, nervous laugh, that belied the excitement she was pretending at. "He gave you ten thousand dollars. Go spend it. Have fun. There's plenty more where that came from, and he owes you." She turned and walked out the door, leaving me alone.

I didn't want to have that conversation later with her—I needed to leave.

Still unsure of my ability to talk, I picked up my phone in a shaky grip and texted Lexi.

I'll go out tonight. I need a new outfit. Can you come get me?

***

Several hours later, we'd returned from shopping and were taking shots of Tequila in Lexi's apartment. She lived within walking distance to UCLA campus, in a small two-bedroom apartment. Her living room had two couches and a TV, with different jeweled color liquor bottles placed on bare surfaces as decoration.

After our third shot, she questioned me, "So what the fuck is going on? I mean, I appreciate this new wild side, but you just spent a shitload of money on yourself, you're taking shots, and you're not acting like you. You haven't even smiled or laughed once."