|~•Aesthetia•~|

The feeling.

I tried...
I tried to open my eyes....

I couldn't... Maybe I didn't want to.
Even a blinding beam of light would do...
But..
It was a completely darkness...
Pitch black.. A stinging darkness....

I was afraid that if I opened my eyes all I would see, would be shadowy figures which are non-existent, but would make the existence of my fear strong...

I had to open my eyes... I had to know what was going on..
What was going on around me...?

I looked up... I searched for the sky, the sky and it's inherent light..

I tried real hard...

I would try to look beyond the darkness, searching for even a spot of light, somewhere in that endless darkness, piercing my eyes, making me feel, like my existence was being ripped.

I thought, maybe that light could give me a bit of that feeling...
That feeling that could illuminate my soul, make me feel like I can do anything.

As each day passed, I sat at place,searching for the light, the light, I can never find...

I walked around, maybe I'll find a way...

In that darkness, I stood up, I walked forth, keeping my fingers crossed, that I could find a way.
I stumbled on something,

THUD!

I fell on the dark ground...
Gripping pain all over my body, I felt like a vase that was shattered....

I got up, not giving up on myself.
I walked the other way and ,

SMASH!

I hit something hard.
Hard as the ways of getting out of this place.
The pain...
It was not the words for it... It was much more than pain...

I couldn't hear anything except for a sort of a eerie...
A feeling so devoid of feelings....

I never dared to cross that place..
Four steps and then I knew once more I would fall with that gripping pain spread its reign all over my fragile soul...

I couldn't move...
Maybe better,
I wouldn't move.. I wouldn't dare to.

I would just sit there still, searching for light, trying to find a sound that could at least give that feeling... That feeling I needed right now..

I would close my eyes and think of how the sun used to shine, how the sky was illuminated beautifully before... Somethings I never bothered to notice...

I tried to recollect those memories where days of halcycon filled my life...

Saudade grips onto me tightly and embraces me everytime I closed my eyes, taking me back to those days when I could feel that feeling, that beautified my existence.

Another day...
Just the same way... I wouldn't try... I would drown myself in the clutches of giving up and lose myself like every other day...

Another day, with no atmosphere around me... I'll have to save that oxygen in my lungs....

I didn't look up... I knew that the light wouldn't....

Suddenly, I could hear a sound... Not the eerie...
Not the sound of solitude...
But something else.

I looked up. My eyes ran in all three dimensions, searching for that sound, that I hadn't heard in these days...
A new sound...

The sound hit fought against the airless void space.. Yes! I could hear it...

Suddenly a small beam of light flew...

Wait...

It was flapping its wings... It's wings flapped, pushing the air ,down, showering a tiny breeze on me.

It moved forward, like time, not stopping.

My legs ... They were confused...
Maybe they forgot how to run..
Those legs that could slash through the wind....

I didn't feel them anymore...

Each step was born as the last one pushed the old dark ground back , starting a new run towards somewhere... Maybe better than here...

I ran behind the bird, whose scintillating presence totally captivated me...

Like a dog that chased its bone, I ran behind that streak of light, that gave me the feeling I yearned for...
That feeling I could do anything.

I ran, I stumbled thrice and fell,upon something whose gripping pain couldn't stop me right now.
I could do this...
I will do this...

I ran behind that bird, as it sang a melodious song and filled the dead and deafening silence...
I felt alive.... I could hear my heart beat, raise as I ran tirelessly in the direction of the bird.
I loved its rhythm!

That feeling I longed for was embracing me like how a mother comforts her child in situations undesirable... Her hug so warm, so selfless...

I felt alive.... I ran..

A slight ray hit from above on my face...
I looked up.

I could see the sky!!!
The sky whose beauty I missed all these days which felt like a decade...
She was decorated by her lovely jewels, the clouds..
It didn't feel dark and gloomy... It felt lovely and nice to see a bit of the light and...
That feeling..

I could feel something wet hit my cheek, as it rolled down, cooling my heated soul... My heated soul of desires..

A couple of drops came falling down, as though they waited to meet the ground and feel it's coarse but lovable embrace and seep into it, filling it's love.

The bird was soaked in the water by those drops...
It couldn't fly... It flied a bit slower and a bit shaky like how the lips of a nervous girl in love would quiver, when she was just about to confess those feelings, with the feeling I yearned for....

But it didn't stop... The bird still tried, it didn't give up. It flew boldly, as the drops of rain crashed against its wings, crushing both its and my dream...

I didn't stop either... The bird and I ran along the endless path ,unraveling various beautiful places...

The sun, had come out.. It wasn't blazing, but soothing my fears and lightening up my dark soul that was drained of that feeling..

What was I seeing!?

A beautiful garden of lovely flowers, pure sunshine kissing my face and that feeling hugging me into a tight embrace...

Yes! I was there... Away from those dark days, where I was blinded...

My eyes could feel loved by the rays of light once again...

The bird whirled up in the sky and flew away... Maybe to guide someone else like me who is caught up..

She flew boldly, yet again, to save another person out of a trap...

That bird was the feeling I yearned for...
HOPE.........

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Author's note:
Hope you enjoyed reading this! Thanks to all those who stayed till the end!
I wish you a day of hope and total love♥️