Sugar Baby ✔️

twenty-third: revelation

He didn't care. He was with someone else. Cutting me off had been easy for him. Just like that. Was he really different then? When at the end of the day he had just done what everyone else did. 

Use and throw. 

My lungs wouldn't expand completely.
My heart wouldn't beat fully.
I was floating timelessly.

Before I could quite rationalize, I leaned over and kissed her, my brain disconnecting from my body. I wanted to take revenge. 

Hopefully, he'd hear. Hopefully, he'd know. But was it even revenge if he didn't care?

Her mouth froze for a while but her body slowly relaxed, our lips soon moving in tandem.

I needed to forget his touch.

I gently pushed her onto the pile of clothes, kissing her fervently. My conflicting emotions rose in a destructive tide in my chest. I sucked her bottom lip, trailing my mouth on her jaw, to her ear. Nibbling softly. I kept waiting for her to push me away, but she didn't. Her hands reached out to frame my face as she kissed me back.

My damaged heart echoed in my hollow chest.

'You're mine, Xavier"

Fucking liar.

'You're beautiful. You're amazing. You're worth so much more.'

Liar.
Liar.
Liar.

Nothing. I wasn't worth anything.

I gasped, touching my forehead to hers as a tangible pain ripped through me. Suffocating me. I was burning. Scorching away. And I didn't know how to stop. Resurface.

"Mason?"

I leaned back away from her, collapsing beside her on the mattress. I gazed upwards at the ceiling.

What was I?

Pathetic.

She didn't say anything. I was barely aware of her hand finding mine. She turned on her side, hugging my arm close, silently.

I bit my lip, turning my face away from her. I wasn't so cruel. I wasn't going to take something special away from her just to ward off my emptiness. Guilt burnt inside me. Had it been her first kiss? Perhaps. Who was I to take away her first everything just because I had had my own stripped from me?

My first time had been with a stranger. A woman. Attractive, mid twenty's. I didn't really remember her face or anything that happened. I wondered what it would have been like had it been with Grayson. Had I experienced his tender, gentle touch.

How could I just forget it now?

"What's wrong?" She propped herself on her elbow and gazed at me as I forced myself to face her. "Are you okay?"

I gave her a humourless smile, my voice a hoarse whisper. "I've never been less okay."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Her eyebrows furrowed in concern.

My throat felt constricted. I shook my head slightly.

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

I shook my head again, my heart wrenching. She lay back down, staring straight upwards. Our arms touching.

"When do you start your new school?" I asked after a while even as my voice trembled.

She was quiet for a while. "Next week. I guess I should be nervous."

"You'll do great, Scarlett. You're a great person." I gazed sideways at her as she smiled softly.

"Thanks. You're okay too."