Since we all want a romantic hero, and they are in short supply, we have provided a handy “Build Your Own Hero” kit so that you can custom-design your own Romance Hero.
Appearance – It goes without saying that a Romantic Hero (let’s call him RH for short) should be handsome. RH can be recognized by his height – he’s always tall dark and handsome. He has a chiselled jaw, cheekbones that could be used to slice onions and a noble nose.
While RH’s eyes are always intense and penetrating, the BYOHK comes with a number of options when it comes to eye colour. You can choose from
If your desired RH is a werewolf or shape-shifter, the BYOHK comes equipped with a ring of amber, silver or gold which fit around the pupils to provide the correct eerie appearance.
RH’s mouth is a clue to his general heroism. It is firmly set, but with an unexpectedly sensual twist. And most important – RH has great teeth and healthy gums. Occasionally, you may come across a bad guy with sharp cheekbones and tumbling locks, but the dental hygiene is always a giveaway. Baddies believe that flossing is for wimps. Vampire RH is extremely particular about mouthwash. Nothing kills a romantic moment like blood breath.
Several options are available. While there are some women who like a RH with flowing locks tied back with a leather thong, gleaming hair just brushing his collar is popular in the business tycoon/billionaire model, or hair cut ruthlessly short to disguise a disarming curl in the military/hero model. Whatever option you choose, you can be assured that your RH will never default to a Justin Beiber flop or ever suffer from bed-head, and he comes with a life-time guarantee against dandruff.
RH always has a great body. While Romantic Heroine is allowed to carry a few extra pounds and have lushly rounded hips, RH is always buff. The BYOHK comes with a choice of six-pack or eight-pack abs. There is also a choice of sleek lean muscles or broad-shouldered flexing muscles. Whichever you decide, you can rest assured that those muscles resulted from lucky genetics or life in the outdoors, rather than from hard work in a gym. RH disdains lifting weights as being for self-obsessed softies, and remarkably, is always stronger than power lifters who can squat three times their own bodyweight.
The standard RH is either hair-free or comes with a light dusting of body-hair on his chest. If you prefer a more hirsute model, this can be special ordered, but remember that it may make your RH look uncomfortably like your villain.
And last but definitely not least: RH’s manly attributes. While we don’t like to boast or be so vulgar as to give measurements, we can guarantee that your RH will be so well equipped that you will blink the first time you see him in his naked glory, and may even entertain a brief doubt about whether it will fit. Of course it will, but feel free to gasp in appreciation.
At one time, RH could only have a name that included a sexy predator or geographical feature, typically Hawk, Lyon, Wolf, Falcon, Lion or Cliff, Rock, Ridge or Crag. Sometimes two geographical features like Heath and cliff.
First names often had a foreign accent and sounded exotic: Rhett, Slade, Stryker, Devon, Rome. While these names are still popular for the historical RH, modern ones can be called Eric or Edward or Bill, even if they are vampires. In fact, especially if they are vampires. Beware of shortening your RH’s name. Christian is sexy. Christy is the hero’s gay best friend.
It goes without saying that RH is a strong minded bad-ass, with a troubled past, a personal demon to fight (in fact, RH frequently IS the troubled demon) and a streak of ruthlessness that enables him to make the tough decisions.
RH is always a loner, frequently a vampire hunter (or a hunter of vampire hunters), a mercenary, trouble shooter, renegade, a vampire with a soul, or a billionaire with a host of enemies waiting to bring him down.
If it happens that RH is a member of a team, for instance a SEAL or fire-fighter, you can be sure that he will manage to lose the rest of his team or have to take decisions that puts him in opposition to them. RH is not a team player.
Choose your RH’s job from the following list: Angel, assassin, billionaire, CEO (unspecified, no one cares what business he is in), cowboy, detective, highland warrior, jewel thief, Navy SEAL, secret agent, Sheikh, slayer of evil, surgeon, vampire, werewolf. However, pay attention to the details. A brain surgeon or ER doctor is perfect, a dermatologist or gynaecologist will not make it to RH status.
RH can only be a taxi driver, accountant, hairdresser or customer service representative if he is undercover from his day job as a detective or FBI agent.
RH comes with a number of interchangeable enemies: some who want his blood for experiments and others who want to stop him revealing the secret which will cause the company to crash or the crown of FantasyVampireLand to fall.
Old-fashioned RHs came with an unbuttoned flowing shirt tucked into a tight pair of britches. These can be special-ordered, but standard RH comes with a tight pair of jeans lovingly hugging his muscular thighs and cupping his impressive manhood, and a leather jacket containing spare ammo or stakes. Business models come with a designer suit which will be slung carelessly over the back of his chair.
The Shapeshifter RM comes naked. What, you think jeans will survive more than a single shift?
RH always has a troubled background. He is frequently either a lost heir who can restore peace to his kingdom, or an unlikely combination of genetics which hold the secret to the overwhelming defeat of the bad guys. If he didn’t get to see his family being killed in front of his eyes (often by the heroine’s family), he was abused in appalling ways, but not so appalling that therapy was required. RH has frequently spent time as a slave, which not only accounts for his flexing muscles, it is responsible for his unswerving determination to bring down the bad guys.
The bad news is that RH has had many bad experiences with women. In spite of his stunning jawline with its dangerous dusting of stubble, women have treated this man like dirt, and you will have to spend some time training your RH. Don’t worry, it’s worth it.
The good news is that RH is fabulous in bed. Although previous generations of RH made a career out of screwing everyone in a skirt and had a nasty habit of raping the heroine every time he doubted her virtue, modern RH is discriminating and has only been to bed with enough women to ensure he can pleasure the heroine to perfection. RH is guaranteed against erective dysfunction or premature ejaculation or your money back.
It has to be said that though RH is normally careful and discriminating about such things, he frequently forgets the condom when he is with the heroine, leading to all sort of complications, including a rapid march to the altar. Please note that the BYOHK comes equipped with condoms and no refund will be issued if you don’t remind him to use them.