Chapter 54

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- Joe's POV -

Even though the doctor had been gone for minutes, but my face remained tinted red.

"You're still blushing." Caspar said, teasingly.

"Am not." I replied, completely ignoring the truth in his accusation.

"You're so adorable when you're embarrassed." Caspar went on.

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"You know glaring really doesn't work when you're flustered like that."

"I'm not-" I started to say, when there was a knock on the door.

Caspar walked over to answer it.

The doctor stood there, nervously glancing from Caspar to me, making sure we were both decent. He relaxed when he saw we were.

"You're free to go." He said, then quickly walked out.

"Already? Well, it's a good thing I guess." I said.

"We should go back to Tyler's and see if Ryan's there. I want to apologize."

"Okay." I said, smiling. Since when had Caspar matured so much?

We called a taxi and engaged in small talk with the driver.

When the taxi pulled up to Tyler's, Ryan's car wasn't there.

"No." Caspar said, looking genuinely upset.

I paid the fare, and we got out.

"Maybe he went to the hospital."

"No," Caspar replied, "He would have been with Tyler and Troye when they visited us."

"Well let's just check inside, then." I said, even though I doubted he'd be there.

I knocked on the door. No answer. I knocked harder. Still no answer. Caspar turned the doornob. It was unlocked. I couldn't help but laugh.

Caspar stepped in and called out Ryan's name. We maneuvered through the rooms but he wasn't there.

"We can always just call or-" I started to say, when I was interrupted by being forcefully pushed against a wall.

Caspar's body was practically on top of mine.

"Um. Caspar?" I asked, faking a small laugh.

"I couldn't wait any longer." His voice was soft and comforting, as his warm breath tickled the soft skin on my shoulder.

Before I knew what was happening, Caspar's hand shot down and grabbed me through my pants. My breath hitched, as my eyes widened. Caspar and I had never gone this far. The way he aggressively just put his hand there with no warning wasn't exactly romantic.

"U-um." I stammered.

Caspar took a few steps back and turned around so I couldn't see his face, "I'm sorry, was that uncomfortable? I-I've never done this with... With a guy and I don't know what to do but..." He paused to take a moment to catch his breath, "but... But..." He paused again, "I want to, I mean, if you want to."

My breath heaved with every slow breath I took, disbelief racking my brain that we were already at this level. My rapid heartbeat rang in my ears. I didn't know what I wanted to do. I didn't know if I was ready. I didn't know what to even do.

I breathed in deeply, shuddering as my breath released. I couldn't think of any words to say, so I simply did the only thing I could think of.

I kissed him.

The kiss wasn't passionate or forceful, we were both scared and nervous. Our lips shakily brushed against each other's.

Caspar's hand returned to the same spot in my pants, which was now a bulge.

I pushed his body away, not forcefully, but enough for him to stumble back.

"I-I'm not ready." I said, turning my head to the side to try and hide my red face.

There was silence. I looked up to view Caspar's face, and I found he wore the same nervous expression as me.

"That's okay. We have as much time as we need, let's just take it slow." Caspar sounded more confident now, less shaky.

"Judging by how nervous you are, are you sure you've ever even been with a girl?" Caspar teased.

I pushed Caspar's shoulder, "Of course I have!" I said defensively.

"Yeah, sure." Caspar laughed.

"It's true!" The nervousness went away, "And I think she liked it too, so fuck off." I wasn't angry but I wanted to hear Caspar's response.

"That's probably just all in your head." Caspar took a step forward, removing the space between us to wrap his arms around me, "I didn't want to hear that." His voice was softer now.

"I wanted you to say you were actually a virgin, because I wanted to be the first one to love you.. In that way." I could hear the nerves in Caspar's tone.

"Caspar. Have you forgotten you're expirienced, too? Besides, both of us are completely new to... This kind of..." I couldn't bring myself to say 'sex' so I replaced the wording with, ""

Caspar sighed into my shoulder, "I love you."

I smiled, "I love you, too."

"I want the world to know it."


"I want the world to know I love you." Caspar was dead serious.

"Let's make a video then."

Caspar grinned, excitedly.

"Are we doing this?" He asked, his eyes full of energy.

"I want to." I replied honestly.

Caspar set up the camera, and hit the record button.

"It all started months ago.." Caspar started. We took turns going into detail about some, but not all of the events that had consumed our lives. After finishing talking about all the drama, Caspar shifted the tone.

"I knew I loved Joe Sugg from the start. I knew I loved his laugh. I knew I loved the way his eyes zone out a little every time he smiles. I knew I loved his hair. The goddamn hair that defies gravity. I knew I loved everything about this guy."

I decided to take over for a bit, "And when our feelings finally reached each other, there were still obstacles we overcame. But obviously we got through them to be talking to you guys today. We decided not to keep our relationship a secret, just because some of society doesn't accept this kind of relationship. We love you guys, and speaking for myself, Caspar is the main part of my life. He's part of me, and I couldn't hide the feelings I have from you guys. I hope you guys accept us, and thank you to everyone who is a supporter."

"Give this video a big thumbs up." Caspar grinned at the camera lens, before we both waved goodbye.

"Are we actually uploading this?" I asked, still trembling.

"Of course!" Caspar said, leaning back into Tyler's couch.

"I'm a bit scared."

"It'll be okay. And no matter what happens, at the end of the day I'll always be here to cheer you up."

I smiled at Caspar. I knew he was right.

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