𝐻𝑖𝑠 𝑐𝑢𝑟𝑠𝑒, 𝐻𝑖𝑠 𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒

~"The saddest part was that I believed."~

It was Friday, the week had gone by painfully slow. Sam has been visiting me every night this week, Suicide would come after and try his best to comfort me.

I got dressed, getting myself ready for the school day. I heard a crow behind me, a small smile crept onto my face as Bullet sat herself on my shoulder. "Hey there, are you accompanying me to school?" I asked, to which she replied with another crow, she settled down on my shoulder, nuzzling into my neck. "Indeed we will be Cooper." Suicide said as he sat beside me.

It was weird to think that my first encounter with him, he tore me open and drank my blood... maybe Sam was controlling him...

I haven't seen Jax again since that dream, it scares me but at the same time I feel relieved. It scared me to see him like that, a monster, but then again, I've grown up fearing voices in my head...

"Let's go." I made my way downstairs, Suicide following me while Bullet was falling asleep on my shoulder. As I walked into the kitchen, I saw Xavier, Blake and Harrison. I still wasn't used to James and Carlos being gone, it just felt so... sad.

I got myself a small breakfast, not really feeling that hungry. "You need to eat more." Xavier said, I just flipped him off before making a coffee in my travel mug. "I have a bad feeling about today." I heard Suicide say, I looked over my shoulder briefly. To anyone else, I looked like I was staring into Oblivion, but I was really looking at Suicide.

"Perché così dici?" [Why do you say that?] I said quietly, if I spoke in Italian, no one would understand me anyway. "I don't know... my gut? I feel like something is wrong." He responded back, I shook it off as I took a sip of my coffee. "Who are you talking to?" Xavier asked, I rolled my eyes as I started to walk away. "No one."

~~

I was currently sitting in the cafeteria at our table, Damian was away today, it's been rather boring without him. He did tell me he was sick though, he caught a bad cold from his auntie and his mom had gone full nurse on him. He has to have that disgusting medicine and has to sleep for the day, no phone, no tv, nothing.

I was peacefully eating when my food was snatched from my hands. I looked up to see Zeke, Xavier, Dylan and Kyle. Zeke had caught the attention of the whole cafeteria as he let out a cough.

"What do you want Zeke?" I asked, already knowing it was going to be bad. "Just came to ask where your little boyfriend is." He said, boyfriend? "Boyfriend? What boyfriend?" I asked, genuinely confused. "That little British kid, what was his name again? Dumbass? Dickhead? Damian! That's it? Where's your little cock sucker huh?"

"Cock sucker? I'm not dating Damian, I'm not gay. And he's sick okay, but what do you care anyway?" I said, he's obviously joking right? He can't know about Damian... I'm the only one that knows. "Don't play dumb with me Cooper! I know Damian's gay and you're his little fuck buddy aren't you? I mean, you do always hang around each other right? You're practically inseparable!" Zeke said, I felt my eyes widen slightly.

"You don't know jack shit about Damian, and we aren't fuck buddies, we aren't dating and we hang out with each other because we are friends. Not like you could ever understand that word-" I went quiet as my head was slammed into the table, I felt something pop and next thing I know, blood was spilling from my nose.

I tried to rush to the bathroom, only to have Zeke grab ahold of me, wrapping an arm around my throat. "Where do you think you're going gay boy? I'm not done with you yet!" Zeke said, I felt his knee collide with my back, over and over and over again.

I looked out into the crowd, Felicity stood there, watching the scene unfold in front of her. "F-Felicity..." I croaked out, Zeke stopped as he decided to watch this. Felicity looked between Zeke and I, back and forth before she let her head drop slightly, staying right where she was.

I felt my heart drop, she really doesn't care anymore...

Zeke barked or laughing, along with everyone else in the cafeteria. My eyes stayed trained on Felicity, I didn't cry, I didn't feel sad... instead I felt angry. "You seriously thought she would help you? No one cares about you Cooper, no one cares if you get hurt or not. We couldn't care less if you decided not to come back. It's honestly sad that you thought someone would ever care about you." Zeke said as he pushed me to the ground, laughing along with everyone else.

I stood up, looking Felicity directly in the eyes. "No Zeke, you're wrong, that isn't the saddest part. The saddest part was that I believed." I said, sending a glare at Felicity before grabbing my bag and walking out of the cafeteria.

I made my way to the bathrooms, walking in and slamming the door shut. I walked over to one of the stalls, grabbing a bunch of toilet paper and starting to plug up my bleeding nose.

I stood in front of the mirror, watching as the blood soaked the tissue. After a few minutes, it had stopped bleeding. I threw the tissue away before looking at myself in the mirror, I thought of Felicity... she just stood there.

When I first saw her at the start of the school year, I just thought this was some prank, that she still cared about me. But now, she wouldn't even help me, she just stood there and watched.

I clenched my fists as I felt my rage build. I was mad, no, I was beyond mad. I was furious, the one person I thought I could trust never even cared about me.

I thought I loved Felicity... No.

I was just stupid.

I threw my bag over my shoulder, deciding that I didn't want to be here. Fuck this, fuck school, fuck people. I don't care about anything anymore, so fuck it.

I stormed out of the bathroom, not looking back as I left the school. I was tired of trying, tired of getting up every morning to come to this hell hole. I was tired of everything.

As I was walking, I saw a woman, but the thing in her handbag was what caught my eye. Cigarettes. A sly smirk crossed over my face as put myself so I would walk past her. I faced her, yet she wouldn't even notice. As she walked past, I slipped my hand out, easily grabbing the packet without alarming her. I casually slid them into my pocket, a glint in my eye as I kept walking...

This is fun... I could get used to this...