Dark Phoenix | ✓

chapter 34

Worst of all, I hated that a small part of me still loved him, even now. I wanted to forget who he was entirely. I wanted to erase the memories of who he was as a child. Not malicious and scary like most psychopaths were. I wanted to understand why.

Why was there no signs? Why was there nothing that proved to me what he'd do?

A car horn honks. I flinch, turning to the culprit driving slowly down the street next to me.

"Lon?"

It's Harry. Harry freaking Coleman. The last person I needed to see right now when my heart was breaking.

"Get in. It's cold. I'll drive you the rest of the way home."

"I'm okay," I say, hugging myself to fight the bitter wind. "It's only a block away."

"Lon..."

"Leave it, Harry," I snap. His smile falters and I hate myself.

I was ruining his life and he couldn't see it. He couldn't see the destructive path that I was leading him down. I was going to break him and I was terrified. He didn't deserve the burden of me being in his life.

I pull my headphones out of my pocket, turning up the volume on my phone.

Forgetting by David Gray floods my ears. What would usually soothe me, only breaks my heart even further.

He's still driving next to me. I can see him in my periphery, rolling down the street at a snail's pace.

I didn't deserve him. I didn't deserve someone who cared so much.

The wind is stinging my eyes. Fresh tears blur my vision.

"Lon, just get in the car. I'm not leaving until you do."

I slow my steps, turning towards Harry. I sprint towards the car, just as the rain sets in. I place my backpack at my feet and am instantly soothed by the warm heater blasting.

I lean back into the seat, watching the rain as it pelts against the window. I pull out my headphones, placing them back in my pocket.

Harry was listening to a song by The Lumineers, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel with the beat.

When I turn to watch him, he has a frown etched into his expression. All I want to do is smooth it out of his skin, taking away all his worries.

"I didn't see you at school today."

"I, uh, had a study period and I felt like eating off campus."

"A study period? When you were supposed to be at math?" he says, briefly watching me before turning back to the road.

It had been a lame excuse, one that I should have thought about harder. Of course, Harry would know that I'd been skipping. We literally had math together first period. Which I had missed.

"Seriously, Lonnie. What the fuck is going on? First, we completely ignore what happened at your party and now—"

"You didn't bring it up either," I defend. "It's not like I told you not to talk about what happened at the party."

"I didn't talk about it because I knew what you'd say!" he says, his voice rising with frustration. "I knew you'd do exactly what you did the first time we kissed. You'd push me away again, pretending that you don't feel the same way that I feel about you."

My heart skips a beat but I choose to ignore it. I couldn't let something as easy as words change my decision.

"I just don't get it," he laughs angrily. "I don't get why you feel like you have to retreat every time something good happens between us."