Only me

Chapter 3

I look at my nanny, whose face is full of confusion as is mine, and try to figure out why she's here. I think about all the reason, or excuses, she will give me. I open the door and start to walk to the house and my nanny follows.

It's quiet in the house so I assume nobody's home, which is a relief because I didn't want to look like an idiot coming in looking for my mom. I walk down stairs and hear the T.V buts that's all I hear so I'm guessing she's asleep, but as I slide the curtain that isolates my moms part of the basement from the owners I see 3 people, 2 sitting on the floor and 1 on the couch.

"Mom?" I ask. Everyone turns to look at me and none of them are my mom. "Is she here?" They nod.

"Erin!" Nanny says a little too aggressive. She looks pissed off and ready to punch a wall. What's going on?

"Mom?" My mom says as she walks out of her room.

"I came to get my backpack because you didn't come back." I interrupt nanny because I don't want them to get in a word battle right now.

"Sorry sweetie I come back to get something, then took a nap, a little longer than I wanted too." She explains. I can't tell if it's legit or not which scares me because that's when I'm most vulnerable.

"Why are all these people here if you were taking a nap?" I ask trying to uncover the facts.

"Mel and them all came when I didn't answer my phone. They were worried about me." Before I could speak I hear the angry fill the room, "So was your daughter! She called you a million times and you never answered. She rushed through dinner and was practically running around her room in her room before we came here!" Her voice is booming through the house.

"I fell asleep mom. I'm sorry." My mother slurred.

"Get me some clothes for nicholas. Nikki grab your backpack and anything else need." Nanny says never looking away from my mom. She's stating her dominance.

"Mom.." I said, but stop because I don't know what I want to say. In my kind I know wine thing isn't right, but I my heart it just aches. I quickly grab my bag and run upstairs.

The drive home is silent and I'm thankful for that. My mind keeps going back to the basement. what was she doing? Why were her friends there? Something's not right but I can't figure it out. Everyone tells me I'm very attentive, but since I can't figure this out its driving me crazy! I feel something fall down my face and realize I'm crying. How long have I been crying?

When we get home my nanny parks the car but neither of us get out. Finally after a few minutes of complete silence, "Nikki....i have to tell you something." We walked inside and she explained it all to me. "Your mother is addicted to drugs. Bad drugs. Do you remember learning about weed in DARE?" She asks and I nod, "Well it's kind of like that. She has been doing drugs for a long time, and it's hard to beat a habit like this." she explains to me.

I understand what's she's saying but I don't tell her that because I'm too hurt. The pain inside me is the worst it's ever been, knowing my mom is addicted to heroine means nothing to me but knowing that's the reason I'm now living with my dad, and her having all her headaches and always being asleep when I wanted to hang out, that's what really hurts. Again I feel a lump in my throat start to take over but I can't force it back down.

My nanny has wrapped her whole body around almost as if she's trying to protect me from the world. Under normal circumstances I would pull away, but I don't want to face the world right now, I want to feel this pain that I always knew was there. she explains that when my mother was 12 she started smoking pot and everything went downhill from there, she started doing worse drugs and not coming home at times. The more I hear about my mom's actions the more I want to hide in a corner.

People say my mother and I are the same, and I used to believe them...they are wrong, i would never put my daughter through this much pain like she just did.