My Dom or My Mate?

Chapter 25

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Chapter 25

Progress or Powerless??

I arrived home two days ago, and I've been finding it really hard.

Breast feeding, sleep, my tightly wound nerves and my emotional breakdowns every 5 minutes!

Dean is off at the office, and Holden is working from home; he has his Beta and a few others here for a meeting so I'm left to myself with Declan and Deacon.

They're screaming!

I've tried everything; feeding, changing, burping.. Comfort, movement, singing, sleep.. I've tried everything.

I'm tightly wound and losing my grip.

I put the twins down in their Moses baskets in the living room, and sit down on the ball, my knees up to my chest, my head on my knees and I break down again.

Loud sobs wrack my chest as I realise I can't cope.

I can't do this!

My boys deserve better!

I'm a useless pathetic excuse for a mother.

I wasn't even conscious for their first few days of life! If I couldn't do that, how can I be a good mum?

I can't do this!

I'm all alone inside my head.

Not even my wolf is helping right now.

Not a word of support or encouragement.

I can't understand my thoughts, my emotions or my scrambled brain.

"I can't do this." I whimper to myself.

I block out the sound of the twins screaming. I just hide inside my head.

"Lizzie! What the hell are you doing?" Holden shouts.

I jump, startled and look up at him, my tear stained face showing.

He picked up both of the twins and sits down on the sofa, "come on baby. Come here." He murmurs.

I shake my head and continue to sob, "I can't do this Holden. I'm a failure. They deserve better." My voice sounds shaky.

"No no no!" Holden gasps, "you're not a failure! You're just finding your feet."

As soon as the twins have calmed down, Holden places them gently back in the baskets before coming over to me.

He sits beside me and wraps an arm tightly around me, pulling me closer to his warm comforting body.

"I don't know what to do." I whisper, "I feel so weak.."

My heart constricts at the idea of being left alone with the boys.. I'm not capable of caring for them. I can't even handle them crying.

"Lizzie Lizzie baby.. I think we should get the doc round. I'm worried about you."

I shake my head and refuse to admit anything, "I'm fine!"

Yanking myself away from him, I rush off upstairs to barracked myself in the bathroom.

The door locked, the shower on to mask the noise of anybody and I just sit in the bath tub huddled into myself.

I can't handle anything or anyone.